If it's crap ... We'll tell you
these films dont represent the Arnold we all know and loved. they only show Arnold making a complete ass of himself by making a funny face into the camera or beating up unfunny black comedians just to buy a toy. but, for all their badness, they do offer some of the most unintentionally funny catchphrases of all time (search "put dat cookie down" or "its not a tumor" on youtube).
i saw this film years ago on television when i was a kid. the only thing i understood was that it was Sly Stallone as a cop. sounded reasonable. when i got older, i saw this and was SHOCKED at how horrible this was. why would anyone make a movie starring John Rambo and a Golden Girl and think it was gonna be a hit? the good thing is, Stallone has apologized for this film on several occasions, which is more than i can say about some people (cough, Steven Segal). As for his role in Spy Kids 3, im not even gonna dignify that with a response.
You KNOW you've sold out when you star in a Tim Allen movie
anyone who watched wrestling in the late 90s knows who The Rock is. he was a charismatic force in the profession who could entertain the fans like no one else. and, as far as wrestling skill goes, he was pretty damn good. he and several members of his family were/are active wrestlers and he is notable for being the first African American to win the WWF Championship. but The Rock always had aspirations to star in film, and his appearance in The Rundown gave enough promise that he could be the new action hero. which is why it's such a surprise that he churned out these abominations of cinema:
do i even have to say anything? now, i have an unfair bias over live action Disney comedies, so i shouldnt be that unfair to The Game Plan (even though it really is a bad film). but why the fuck is The Ro--im sorry, its Dwayne, isnt it, playin a white guy in Planet 51? He's a half black, half samoan motherfuckin wrestler, not a pasty-faced Glen Beck lookin astronaut! and i assumed THIS was his worst movie (besides Doom). i thought it couldnt be worse than Planet 51. that is, until The Tooth Fairy came out. THAT film made Santa with Muscles look like Citizen Kane. i mean, Dwayne Johnson in a tutu is the most immasculating sight i have ever seen. and in the words of the great Bill Hicks, "if money had a dick, then he'd be a flaming faggot."