If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Well, 2010 is drawing to a close, and while we look back on 2010 within movies, all you can really do is shrug your shoulders and say "Meh!". There was very little spectacular in 2010, but when stuff was good, it was damn good. And while I'm not one to brag, when I did this list last year, over half of my predictions where correct (and some sucked, Clash of the Titans and Alice in Wonderland let me down). So, lets see if this year I can get all 10 nailed down, in what can only be an improvement over 2010.
Some ground rules 1) The films must have a trailer or promo footage of any sorts to get on the list, 2) We're going of dates in the US, as thats where most people on this site live in, I live in the UK, so if I went with with what comes out over here, they would be all the Oscar stuff coming out this year (that's also why I don't bother with top 10 lists, because by the time I've seen most great movies, we're already far into the next year), and finally, 3) This is sorely my opinion, if you disagree, don't bother to argue, as it commonly known fact that my opinion is always correct, which will more than likely mean yours will be wrong.
So let's get rolling with number...
10) Source Code
I know what you're thinking, shouldn't this be higher up on the list? Well yeah it is, but it's hard to put a film higher on the list, if you've just had to argue with yourself which looks more worthwhile this or Your Highness (Yes, I did find that red band trailer funny, and yes I felt guilty). I can't help but sense that I've just started up a shitstorm considering I placed this on the list before a ton of other films that will come over it. But it's hard to place a film high on your list of anticipated movies when you don't connect with the trailer, yes it looks extremely good, but somewhere in my head, there is some evil bastard tumor telling me to snub my nose at this movie and go "so...". So while I know that this film will be good, I don't this I will love it, and will only like it. Sorry guys, but at least it's here instead of Your Highness (come on, you must of laughed at the line "Magic...Mother Fucker")
Source Code is Directed by Duncan Jones and is being released 1st April
9) Fast Five
I told you, you would be angry with what I put in front of Source Code. The truth is, watching the Fast Five trailer, all I could do is sit there, and just grin like so stupid kid with nothing better to do. This is what Source Code didn't do, sure it looked smart and great, but I never felt anything while watching the trailer, Fast Five literally felt like a film within it's trailer (and that's probably the best part of the film already there). And heck I never really liked the Fast and Furious franchise all that much, but look at it, it jumped straight into my list, now tell me that isn't at least something special.
Fast Five is directed by Justin Lin and is being released 29th April
8) The Green Hornet
Alright, I don't care about the original series (it's before my time). So the casting doesn't bother me, the way it looks doesn't bother me. I know people are crying to the hilltops about how bad this film will be, but to me, it just looks like sheer fun. I like Seth Rogen, he makes me laugh. The car they have looks cool as hell, Christhoph Waltz was a cool villian in Inglorious Basterds. The big problem I can see me having with the film is the fact that it will just be instantly forgettable, I hope not. The Green Hornet just looks like 2 hours of pure fun.
The Green Hornet is directed by Michel Gondry and is being released on 14th January
On any other day, I would ignore a film that was purely about a Norwegian with a hammer, but as this is the typical Mavel Summer starter movie, and has the Norwegian as a dude who's the God of Thunder, it's hard to ignore. Directed by a guy who directed other superhero films as Hamlet and Henery V (yeah, weird choice), this gain extra brownie points from me as it comes out a week before the US!
Thor is directed by Kenneth Branagh and is released on 6th May
6) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
From a distance, it looks as if Disney are still beating a dead horse, but on closer inspection (I.E. Seeing the Trailer in 3D on the big screen) they are trying to resurrect the horse. Pirates of the Caribbean is a film that seems like a perfect fit for 3D, going back to the time of the 80's when a ton of adventure movies endlessly threw stuff at the screen too look like it's coming out at you. Seems like the perfect fit for a fun summer movie. But please Disney, let this be the last one.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is directed by Rob Marshall and will be released on 20th May
It's a perfect recipe for a Comedy, take two of the funniest geekiest British people and throw them in a nerdy comedy with a rude sweary CGI Alien that Parents will think is suitable for their children and throw in a funny director (Greg Mottola, he did Superbad), and that will more than likely, deliver the funny.
Paul is directed by Greg Mottola and is being released on 18th March
4) Sucker Punch
I know Zack Snyder gets a lot of grief for Watchmen, but give the guy a chance at his own work. After all, he going to direct the new Superman movie after all, Sucker Punch promises nothing more than so awesome ridiculous action with hot girls and some mumbo-jumbo bullcrap about going into your mind and unlocking yourself or whatever and hot girls with ridiculous action scenes.
Sucker Punch is directed by Zack Snyder and is being released on 25th March
3) Battle: Los Angeles
Battle: Los Angeles is grade A work on how to make an effective trailer, a film like this could easily be disregarded if not promoted right. It might of come off as same old shit, but the trailer is very haunting and intense, without revealing a lot. My only worry for Battle: Los Angeles is if it does wind up being nothing more than same old shit.
Battle: Los Angeles is directed by Jonathan Liebesman and is being released on 11th March
2) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (This time it's Potter-Personal)
Come on, you're still pumped to see this from the moment you walked out Part 1, and the great part is, it will be more than likely nothing but non stop death and destruction from the get go, as Part 1 has already set up everything. And yes, I know there isn't a trailer for this, but there is a trailer for both of them so it counts, anyway it's my rules I'm allowed to break them.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 is directed by David Yates and is being released on 15th July
1) Cowboys and Aliens
Pretty self-explanatory really, it's Cowboys AND Aliens. That's just awesome. You know that feeling us movie geeks get when we see a film that just catches your attention and you can't get out of your mind, that feeling I got when I saw the trailers for 2 of my best films of 2010. Well I got that feeling when watching this. I literally can't wait for this film.
Cowboys and Aliens is directed by Jon Favreau and will be released on 29th July
Time to look at the poor runners-up that narrowly missed the chance to be in the list for one reason of another.
Kung Fu Panda 2
X-Men: First Class
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (Stupid title by the way)
Captain America: The First Avenger
Sherlock Holmes 2
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo remake
Now it's time to look at the poor films that had no chance of reaching the great list as these films will be pure pants!
5) Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Yeah, because the demand for a new Big Momma movie was so large we couldn't avoid it...NOT! Who ever green lit this thing needs to get laid.
Big Momma's: Like Father, Like Son is directed by John Whitesell and will be released February 18th
4) Scream 4
Really? Are those seriously the best rules you could come up with in this "new decade" of horror. The trailer just shows what a huge dick Wes Craven is, from calling the original movie the film that "Redefined Horror" and Wes Craven comparing himself to Albert Hitchcock, since when was Wes Craven Albert Hitchcock???
Scream 4 is directed by Wes Craven and will be released on 15th April
3) Season of the Witch
Well, Hello again. When I did this list last year, this film was on this spot, setting up to come out in April. It got delayed (again after being moved from Halloween 2009 to April 2010) put on the shelf again and stayed up there until they decided to dump it out first week of the new year. Doesn't really inspire confidence.
Season of the Witch is directed by Dominic Sena and will be released 7th January
2) Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
Look at the little twats face. It's a Justin Bieber movie, I hope you can respect the fact that there is rather little I can say about it, other than it's going to suck.
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never is directed (yeah this shit was directed) by Jon Chu and will be released 11th February
So I hear you scream, what's worse than Bieber I hear you cry, well prepare yourself...
1) Cars 2
It's funny how I start this review with a shitstorm and end it with one. It's probably only now it's just settled in that I'm not actually joking and that I'm seriously suggesting that a Pixar movie is the film to avoid this year. You probably screaming right now, "But it's Pixar you fool!". You are correct, it is Pixar and that's why it hurts so bad. Bieber has no chance of making a good film, Big Momma 3 isn't going to be a cinematic classic anytime soon, Nicholas Cage ham fest isn't going to win any awards and Scream 4 is only going down as a huge waste of time. But Pixar, you're better than this. And yes I know the story as to why this is being made, still doesn't make it a good film, yes it gives Pixar a get out of jail card but it doesn't make this film any better. The truth is that watching the trailer, you only feel yourself getting dumber, and Pixars first inevitable bad film has hit sooner rather than later.
Cars 2 is directed by John Lasseter and Brad Lewis and will be released June 24th
And here are the other films that I'm suggesting you avoid that aren't quite as bad as the ones above:
Gnomeo and Juliet
Happy Feet 2
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1
Thanks for reading, and it would be awesome to hear your suggestions as to the best and worst of the coming year.