Since I got a job at my local movie theater last year, I went out of my way this year to see the grand majority of movies released (mainly because I had nothing better to do). I have seen the best of the best, and the worst of the worst this year. Now, I know someone's gonna bitch about The Last Airbender, The Last Song, Gulliver's Travels, or Furry Vengeance being on the list, and I have one thing to say about that.... ALL of those movies, as shitty as they are, are better than these movies.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing wrong with babies being cute. What I DO have a problem with is when a "filmmaker" decides to go all over the world filming babies, then making people pay $7.50 (minimum) to view 80 minutes of them drooling on themselves. Imagine watching the video "Charlie Bit My Finger" for 80 minutes straight... IT'S GONNA GET ANNOYING! I'm SHOCKED this has a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics call it a "celebration of life", when in reality, all the movie's doing is exploiting these babies' cuteness in order to make a quick buck. No celebrations here.
9. SEX AND THE CITY 2
I don't watch the show, but this movie didn't give me any reason to start. Each of the main characters are equally annoying, stupid, selfish, stereotypical... I could go on and on using a whole bunch of adjectives used to describe negative personality traits, but it's not worth my time.
8. THE GRAVES
The worst of After Dark Horrorfest 4 film selection. The two leads are both equally uninteresting, as are the events going on around them. The decisions they make are idiotic, the story's jumbled and hard to follow (or maybe it isn't. Maybe I just stopped caring about the plot as the movie progressed). If anything's redeemable about it, it's Bill Mosely, who is the only cast member putting any effort into his role.
7. THE BOUNTY HUNTER
Seriously, Hollywood. Distribute a DECENT romantic comedy for once. Please? Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler yell at each other a lot, and then the movie tries to pull of action, and then there's some pointless subplot involving minor characters that ultimately doesn't affect the final outcome of the main plot, more dumb action, and then a moment comes that tries to be charming but ultimatley falls flat on its ass and... *sigh* Why did I sit through this?
6. DON MCKAY
Never in my life have I seen a film noir so muddled. For those high school kids out there, have you ever had to take a super-confusing test that, afterwards, jumbled your mind to the point where you couldn't think straight? That's the effect this movie had on me. The acting is pretty dull, a lot of plot elements aren't explained at all, and no character in this movie acts like a normal human being.
5. MY SOUL TO TAKE 3D
Upon reflection, this shouldn't be on the worst of 2010 list because I laughed my ass of during at it. It's such an unbelievably lazy attempt at a horror movie, and it's from freaking Wes Craven! Let's start with the plot, which involves seven kids being born on the exact same day of the exact same year, which was the exact same day that a famed serial killer was killed. Now here's the kicker: the serial killer is supposedly possessing one of this kids on their 16th birthday because... get ready for it... he's so evil he can pass on his soul to others... I'm not kidding, that's the explanation. Now that that insanely preposterous set-up is out of the way, let's move on to the characters, who are all cartoony stereotypes: the hot blonde (who's not that hot), the religious nut, the black kid we never get to see, and the obligatory hallucinator, who just happens to be the main character... and the only kids of the seven having hallucinations, apparently. I'm boggled by how ridiculous this movie got. (SPOILER BEGIN)When the police find the body of the first teen who dies, they point out that there were no "obvious" stab wounds, despite the fact that you see A CLOSE-UP of the kid getting stabbed earlier in the film. (SPOILER ENDS) None of the kids even notice that their friends are dead until 70 minutes into the movie. The 3D's completely nonexistent as well.
4. SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD
It's official. George Romero has become the George Lucas of zombie movies. He feels that since he is responsible for bringing the idea of zombies to the mainstream, he can take liberties and change the rules of the universe--even when they don't make any goddamn sense. I talked with my nonmovieloving friends about this movie, and even they laughed at the idea of a zombie riding horseback... let me repeat that: A ZOMBIE RIDING HORSEBACK!!!! Added to that, the acting is dreadful, and the ending is the BIGGEST kick in the balls to zombie fans everywhere. I say this without hesitation: FUCK YOU, GEORGE ROMERO!!!
3. OUR FAMILY WEDDING
A boring concept with boring acting and pitiful comedy. But, let's be honest, what else do you expect from a movie starring Carlos Mencia?
2. LEAP YEAR
For a romantic comedy to work, it's gotta have four things: Romance, comedy, chemistry, and charm. Leap Year has NONE of those. Instead, you get two highly unlikeable and unbelievably ignorant characters at each other's throats for an hour until--for no reason--they start to fall for one another. Combine all that with lame comedy and borderline offensive Irish stereotypes, and you've got the perfect movie to ruin a date.
1. VAMPIRES SUCK
The obvious choice. Do I really have to explain?