If it's crap ... We'll tell you
well, 2012 is coming to a close and so is the pile of shit with it. I won't say that 2012 was the worst year in film becuase it really isn't. There will always be 2001: The year Freddy Got Fingered was Released, where Crocodile Dundee went to L.A. and people stopped giving a shit, When Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor caused people more headaches than your worst history class, and the year that Mariah Carey starred in Glitter. so, yeah, that's going to be difficult to top. yet, It wasn't difficult choosing the worst movies of 2012.
10. John Carter
Ok, I'm a sucker for Sci-Fi movies so i was bound to watch this one. I really wanted to see this in IMAX hoping to be immersed in what I thought would be an awesome Sci-Fi epic. Unfortunately, I ended up sitting through a tedious, dull, disappointing, and uneven letdown. The visual effects were fine, The action set-pieces were good too. those save it from being higher on the list. As for it's dreary pacing and dull lead (Taylor Kitsch), It deserves to be on this list.
9. Taken 2
Ahh.... Liam Neeson first you joined the leagues of bad asses with Taken then you went on to do Clash of the Titans, Wrath of the Titans, The Grey, Unknown, and Battleship. All of which sucked... So why is Taken 2 on the list? Because it is an unecessary sequel. The First was indeed a pleasant surprise and Liam Neeson kicked all sorts of ass but, Taken 2 was basically the same thing from the first with an unintentional comedy twist. Yes, I said unintentional comedy.
8. Step Up 4: Revolution
Just like last year's "hangover 2" Step Up 4 manages to the same thing it did in the previous films. It's like Hollywood has a Mad Libs book to make their films nowadays: Insert well-known american city, Insert generic romance subplot, Insert shitty generic story where the two leads are brought together, Insert Music Hits from today, and Insert the fact that it's in 3D.....
7. Man on a Ledge
What the serious fuck? What kind of movie is this? Seriously? A man on a ledge?! are film executives THAT stupid?! I guess they are. First off, the title is stupid Man on a Ledge. Seriously, you have to be fucking high to think that title is a good one. The acting in this film is horrible, I mean even by January standards, it's bad. Sam Worthington makes for a pretty dull lead and while we're talking about him, Why are He and Taylor Kitsch being pushed so hard this year? I feel like Hollywood is trying to see which one is going to be the next Nicolas Cage. The Reason that this is at #7 and not higher on the list is because it didn't make very much money at the Box Office and it was released in January which when most of the shitty movies come out anyway
6. The Watch
Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, and Jonah Hill in a movie? sounds like a genius idea for a comedy, right? well, it wasn't, it was actually pretty bland. The Watch had a great concept but, it had one rotten execution. The Cast did fine but, the rest of the movie? Predictable, Stupid, and pretty much all thing we have seen before. In Short, Men In Black did it better.
5. Alex Cross
Okay kids, Here's a History Lesson for you all: in 1997, Morgan Freeman Starred in a Crime Thriller opposite Ashley Judd and Cary Elwes titled "Kiss the Girls" in which Morgan Freeman portrayed Alex Cross, A detective who solves murders with his brand of expertise a la Sherlock Holmes. Freeman later went on to reprise his role of Cross in 2001 with "Along Came A Spider" opposite Monica Potter and Michael Wincott. Now, I will say that these films were not critical darlings at the times of release but in Comparison to this generic dogshit, they surely are. In a matter of fact, I actually enjoyed both "Kiss the Girls" and "Along Came A Spider" at face value! Alex Cross on the other hand? Unbearable The Acting is horrible, the story: Bland and Predictable.If I were James Patterson, I'd be royally pissed!
4. Paranormal Activity 4
Okay, Paramount, you seriously need to stop making these. I don't find the sight of a bed, a flight of stairs, or a frying pan falling to be scary. Paranormal Activity is basically the same as Step Up 4; Bland, Predictable, and a recycled version of the first three in their respective franchises. Why is this one higher on the list? Because at least Step Up doesn't lull me to sleep like Paranormal Activity does and besides, I've hated these films since part 1. Judge me however you want but, these films have been getting progressively worse. the worst part about these (besides that their all the same shit): #5 is on the way. please people, please! STOP! stop buying into this shit!!
3. The Devil Inside
Another "found" piece of dogshit! Wow!! 2012 started of rocky with The Devil Inside which might as well be a comedy. Now this has been shit on all year so, I'm gonna keep it short but, really? you couldn't come up with a better ending? really?! just like the Paranormal Activity "films", Apollo 18, and the final episode of The Sopranos, The Devil Inside doesn't have an ending. The "ending" is basically a link to a website to learn about the "truth" which anyone with a brain would immediately declare bullshit.
2. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Marvel's worst film gets a sequel. God help us! Ghost Rider 2 or Nic Cage goes crazy in "3D" was released early this year and answers the question "Can it be any worse than the first?" with a resounding yes. To Quote one critic "It was so terrible it made the first look like The Dark Knight" yes, it was that terrible and I hated the first with a burning passion (as bad as that pun was, it was funnier than last year's Jack and Jill) First off, I hate pretty much any movie directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. The "Geniuses" that brought you such "classics" like Crank, Crank 2, and Gamer brought you this shit. Just like the three previous films mentioned, the directors show off by using some the worst camera movements I have ever seen.Even Worse, they put in 3D and since there was almost no 2D showings around my area, I was doomed. 3D never gives me headache and this is the only film where 3D has. At least it didn't do so well at the Box Office so, it's not likely we'll ever get to see another one of these films again. Hopefully, like Friedberg and Seltzer, Neveldine and Taylor can stop making "movies" seriously, they're all shit!
1. Silent Hill: Revelation 3D
All the way up to October I never thought that there would be any movie worse than Ghost Rider 2 yet, 2012, the year of surprises, gets me once again with this tedious piece of dogshit! Honestly, If Sean Bean is performing poorly, you know your movie sucks! There's Almost nothing good about this movie! People shit on Underworld and Resident Evil for being stupid but, at least they don't lull me to sleep like this dogshit! Not even the 3D or unintentional comedy could save this from being the piece of horse shit it was! This is a perfect example of a film that should have gone direct to DVD. Congratulations Silent Hill; Revelation for being called the WORST film of 2012!
Honorable Mentions go to:
Branded/Atlas Shrugged Part II: which both would've made the list if anyone saw them!
any film starring Gerard Butler: who will never be in another good film unless they somehow put him in 300 2
Battleship: which would have made the list if it did better at the box office
Twilight saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 : it's like saying one piece of dogshit smells better than the other 4 pieces
Rock of Ages: congratulations on making me hate musicals again