If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Updated April 22, 2011
Here we go, you salty cunts! I'll be updating this as the questions come in, so keep 'em coming. If I don't get to your question, it's because: 1) you've asked too many; 2) I've answered it already; 3) The question was dumber than the dumbest one I've already answered. Ask your questions in the comments below.
I'm a total art dork. I love movies. I read a lot. I'm a bit of a science nerd. I'm extremely social and can have a good time in almost any situation. I'm a skeptic. I'm REALLY bad with names, but remember almost everyone I meet. I was in college for 7 years by choice. I'm a HUGE Tom Waits fan. I'm a Creative Director working in Marketing and Advertising, and have been a Graphic Designer for almost 20 years. I smoke cigars. I am HUGE into craft beer, am a wine nerd, and love all manner of whiskey. I've sung in bands, and often rock the shit out of some karaoke, since I no longer have time to be in bands. I'm open minded, but like to think critically about everything, and genuinely love to be proven wrong. I work a lot. I play a lot. I'm a media junkie. I started a hugely popular and awesome art group called The Austin Sketch Group, and it's one of the things I'm most proud of. I say "cunt" a lot.
General Questions I've been asked before (in person, in chat, etc):
What's your favorite color?
Why the fuck are you on the League Of Extremely Ordinary Gentlemen?
Because there isn't a League of Extraordinary Cunts podcast.
Boxers or briefs?
If you were an animal/a can of soup/some other random object, which one would you be?
Whomever asked this question has obviously been locked in his parents' root cellar for a good portion of his life. I suggest you surf porn nonstop before they discover that you have an internet-capable device and confiscate it like they did with your anatomically correct bar soap Naruto sculptures.
Why do you use so much profanity?
Why do you use so much shut the hell up?
Why do you hate anime?
I don't hate anime, per se. I merely hate the art style, the music, the characters, the stories, the acting, the tropes, the animal sidekicks, the animation style, what it stands for, the anime superfans, the anime culture, anime memes, and stuff like that. I don't mind the tits.
You're super racist.
That's not even a proper question. Even Mexicans can form a proper question.
What's your favorite drink?
Will you be my friend on Facebook?
Only if I can call on you, in a meth-addled stupor, to help me hide several large duffel bags full of all manner of stolen electronics and body parts. Bonus points if you can play a penor like Yo-Yo Ma plays the Cello. Even better, no... unless I know you in person.
Most played song on my iPod?
1. King of Carrot Flowers- Neutral Milk Hotel
2. See America Right- The Mountain Goats
3. Gun Street Girl- Tom Waits
Who are the people who make you laugh and influence your sense of humor? (Choker)
I get a good portion of my humor from my mom. She's not as foul-mouthed as I am, but the implications of some of the shit she says is far worse than anything any fuckword can convey. I'm also a big fan of Bill Hicks, Mitch Hedberg, Marc Maron, Tim Minchin, Ricky Gervais, Eddie Pepitone, Louis Black, Doug Stanhope, Eddie Izzard, and a bunch of others.
Have you ever cried taking a shit? (Scrump Bolymeux)
Nope. But I have bled before. Turd looked like a goddamned football.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (MDS)
This is a trick question, as all woodchucks chuck the fuck out of wood. Also, never speak to me again.
Why are you so awesome? (Amia)
When I was a kid, I got bitten by a radioactive Awesomeasaur on a school trip which gave me incredible dance moves, sex moves, and karate skills. Since then, a gamma-ray burst hit me and I have unfortunately lost the ability to dance, but gained the power to punch through solid marble (which is not the same if you really think about it).
Who the fuck is Rubio??? (cabo)
I'm not sure, but OMG IT'S IN UR HOUSE.
Have you ever had your asshole eaten out while getting a hand-job? (Logan Deckard)
Yes, and it's like goddamned Christmas miracles exploded in my asshole.
Have you ever done stand up, or considered it? (Brock)
I've considered it, but I'm not sure I'd be very good at it. It's a whole different skill set than just saying "cunt" a bunch at a bunch of nerds on the internet.
What is your favorite/most used typeface for web or print? (Conejita)
I use Gotham, Klavika, Palatino, and stuff designed by the Hoefler foundry a lot. I'm also a big fan of the House Industries stuff. For wordmarks, I like making my own. Like a BOSS.
What the hell happened in Mexico with you, Leon and Jason? (zking403)
Who the fuck are those guys and what the fuck is a Mexico?
Why do people play minecraft? I just don't get it. (Cambo)
Because people gotta do something when they're not making sex. And those guys aren't making sex.
Can I send you my amazon wishlist? (SavageMaXX)
I'll let you know one of these days. Until then, wait for me out on your front lawn. On fire.
Which racial slurs do you let go because they just make you laugh. I wish more people would call me "white ass cracker." (Denis Nixon jar head)
I let them all go, really. Most racial slurs are horribly uncreative, and the people that use them maliciously, well usually that's all they've got. I can insult circles around them. That said, racial humor is some of my favorite humor. So in good-natured ribbing, I'm not going to get insulted by stuff like that. Or anything, really. Hope that answered your question, Wonder Bread.
What your your favorite anime? j/k? (darthreaper)
Contrary to popular belief, I have watched, and enjoyed, some anime. I love everything Miyazaki has made. Akira is pretty badass. I LOVED Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though that only sort of counts. I HATED FLCL, Appleseed, Trigun, Naruto, Dragonball Z, Ghost in the Shell, Vampire Hunter D, Bubblegum Crisis, Inuyasha, and the Cowboy Bebop movie. I've seen more, but it all really blends together like a big-eyed shit slurry.
What are some of your favorite comics? (darthreaper)
Sin City, 100 Bullets, Watchmen, Powers, Blankets, ACME Novelty Library, Locke and Key, Walking Dead, Promethea, Milk and Cheese, Global Frequency, Dark Night Returns, Transmetropolitan, Preacher, and several others.
Which Neil Gaiman book should I start off with first,or should I just pick anyone and start reading. (KirbyKirb)
I liked Good Omens, American Gods, and Anansi Boys a bunch. Also, Sandman was pretty awesome. But, really. What the fuck am I, Pandora for comics?
What are some of your favorite comics characters/writers/artists? (Alabama Mike)
Characters? Spider-Man, Jimmy Corrigan, Batman, Dr. Manhattan, Hellboy, Jessie Custer, Spider Jerusalem, Arseface, Christian Walker, and many others.
Writers? Moore, Ellis, Bendis, Gaiman, Hill, Ware, Azzarello, and more.
Artists? Mignola, Risso, Miller, Campbell, O'Neill, Quitely, Jae Lee, and more.
Wanted to know what kind of music or podcasts you like to listen to while doing some of your art. (The Badass Dragon)
My 3 favorite recording artists are Tom Waits, Neutral Milk Hotel, and David Bowie. I've also been listening to the new Kanye album a lot lately. Beach House, Nick Cave, Manu Chao, Grupo Fantasma, Black Keys, Bob Dylan, Broken Bells, Busta Rhymes, Decemberists, Eminem, Flogging Molly, Fugazi, Misfits, Guided By Voices, Crass, Clutch, Jason Webley, Possessed By Paul James, John Lee Hooker, Koko Taylor, Lou Reed, Howlin' Wolf, Muse, Of Montreal, Pixies, Ramones, The Descendents, Sex Pistols, Dead Kennedys, Sufjan Stevens, Van Morrison, Red Fang, and Death From Above 1979 are also on heavy rotation (I own almost 120 GB of music).
Podcasts? I listen to WTF with Marc Maron, This American Life, Weekend Confirmed, RebelFM, RadioLab, Skeptoid, The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, The Atheist's Experience, Irrational Behavior, Craft Beer Radio, Stogie Fresh, Giant Bombcast, A Life Well Wasted, Nobody Likes Onions, Quack Cast, Ricky Gervais Podcast, Sex is Fun, Hollywood Babble-On, and TWiT. How do I even have time to jerk off?
Which kind of Cigars do you smoke? (Crystal Cunt Christian)
I'm a huge cigar nut, and have done some work in the industry, designing packaging and all. I love everything Pete Johnson makes (Tatuaje, Cabaiguan, El Triunfador, etc.), everything Don Pepin Garcia makes (La Reloba, Don Pepin Garcia brand, El Rey De Los Habanos, etc), most of the Padron cigars, Savinelli (I just finished redesigning a bunch of their packaging), Illusione Epernay, and several others. I tend to favor Nicaraguan tobacco. For Cuban cigars, I like Cohba, Partagas, Vegas Robaina, Bolivar, Montecristo, Trinidad, and Hoyo De Monterrey.
What's your favorite food? (Jordan O)
I'm a foodie and a craft beer snob, so I really have a hard time answering that. Lately, I've been really into foods that use beer as an ingredient. A nice, rich, imperial stout does wonders in a dessert. On an related note, a friend asked me once about cooking with semen. She'd read about it or something. Not sure where I'd acquire enough to cook with, I went online. You'd be surprised at how much a gallon of horse semen costs. I couldn't find people sperm for sale anywhere.
What is the best concert you've ever seen and what is your dream concert? (Jordan O)
I've seen a bunch of great shows. Pantera was one. Possessed by Paul James slays me every single time I see him. The best, though? Tina Turner blew my brains out of my head.
As a child, what did you hope to be "when you grew up"? (Jordan O)
I wanted to be a comic book artist. Then I grew up and realized that drawing sequential art bored the shit out of me. I still do the occasional cover, however.
MOST AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCE!!!! (Jordan O)
Once I was eating a girl out and she came so hard she farted on my chin. Actually, that's happened a few times, and it's not been the same girl twice.
(Jordan O thinks he's Larry fucking King)
As an artist and designer, what would you say is the most creative and ingenious movie/travel poster? (SH_PandaBear via twitter)
I'm really loving what Olly Moss is doing with his re-interpritations of movie posters. I love the Hitchcock posters Saul Bass worked on. I'm also a huge fan of polish movie posters for American movies.
What do you think about the smurfs movie? (Crystal Cunt Christian)
I never saw it. And here's the funny thing about the yell thing... If you go back and listen to that episode, Leon was going over his "2011 Movies to Watch Out For," which was suckflick after suckflick. After like 20 minutes of shitty movie titles, Cyrus wanted to talk about the movies on his own list, which had much better quality movies. Leon insisted his list was getting better, which was when he trotted out "THE SMURFS," at which, I lost my fucking mind (screaming, and actually pulling my pants down in the studio). I wasn't flipping out about The Smurfs specifically, but at the increasingly shitty list that Leon was reading. The Smurfs just happened to be the flick that pushed me over the edge, into the blackness of rage and betrayal.
If you could have anyone or two people on LEOG who would they be?? (Hey it's Melvin!)
I'd probably want Guillermo Del Toro and/or Nathan Fillion on. Those guys are hilarious, and super geeky. Patton Oswalt would come in a very close 3rd.
For someone to dislike anime as a whole it seems that you have watched just about every anime ever created ya goddam hippocrit. (Cambo)
Call me a hypocrite because I've seen a bunch of anime? Really? Ok, riddle me this, fanboy: How else am I supposed to have formed an actual, informed opinion on something in lieu of EXPERIENCING A BUNCH OF IT? The reason I can confidently say that I dislike anime is exactly because I've seen so much of it that hasn't appealed to me. And the stuff that didn't appeal to me was pretty consistent from movie to movie, show to show. I'm not one of those jackasses that just denounces something after one try. In fact, there's a lot of stuff I ended up liking once I gave it a chance. Anime, unfortunately, isn't one of them. If you don't like it, take it up with your La Blue Girl body pillow.
If you are in a plane that's about to crash, what do you do? (The Leo of Costa Rica)
I'l probably bolt up, grab onto the hottest chick's boobs, yell "HEY KOOL-AID" and bust through her fuselage like a hot wet fuckrhino, determined to get off before touch down. Or cry.
I just got back from Vegas and my buddy and I were being chased by some nasty prostitutes. Is it best to just pay them or let them infect us and harvest our organs? (The Profit)
Pay them, and they'll only harvest one organ. With their mouths.
What's your advice for those who are trying to break into the creative workforce successfully, be it an artist, film maker, or graphic designer like yourself? (Meksicano)
Work on your craft EVERY DAY, without fail. Keep learning, and understand that there's ALWAYS going to be a bunch of people better than you. Talk to them. Ask them questions (I still do). When you get good enough, meet people working in industries you'd like to be in and work for them for free for a while. Get internships, and do your own thing on the side. Work hard enough, and sooner or later, one of those things will probably take off. But I can't stress this enough. It's work. HARD work. And it doesn't end, as long as you keep your teeth sharp.
Say if you were granted a flux capacitor to install in your current car. With infinite possibilities, given the power to travel through space and time, and change the history of mankind as we know it, who would you fuck? (Meksicano)
Whatever she-monkey we can trace humankind to, just to have fucked EVERYONE'S mother.
Do you like tacos? (The Profit)
Do you like oxygen?
Favorite films of the last decade? (Mr. Whiplash)
In no particular order:
The Wrestler, City of God, Pan's Labyrinth, Eternal Sunshine, The Dark Knight, Almost Famous, Oldboy, Amelie, No Country for Old Men.
What are your favorite Sex positions? (Crystal Cunt Christian)
Any of the ones with me in it.