If it's crap ... We'll tell you
There I was, looking at my gaming newsfeed, palm squarely on face saying to myself, 'I can't decide which one of these trailers to write about. Woe is me, whatever shall I do?' So I did what I always do when the situation is dire. I turned to Professor Dog. 'Professor Dog,' I said, 'which of these trailers shall I choose?' But Professor Dog is wise beyond his meager canine heritage. He knew precisely what to do. Post 'em all and let the readers decide. Or something along those lines, it's hard to understand him through the accent sometimes. So without further ado, a Roundup. No need to thank Professor Dog, he's got a tenure.
With each new racing game trailer I'm becoming more and more familiar with term 'car porn'.
I've ranted a bit in the past about my hatred of pre-order bonuses and the tendency to use them to lock people out of exclusive DLC. So it's nice to be able report on some exclusive content that doesn't require schlepping down to one retailer or another just to get some extra juice when a game comes out. I played a bit of NFS: The Run at E3 this year and it seems like pretty solid outing in the franchise. So how many of you will spring for the collector's edition? Are these the cars you've been looking for?
Next up, let's take a gander at Pirates of Black Cove:
No Booty Without the Duty? What the hell does that mean? I mean... ARRRRHHH!
Before today I had never heard of Pirates of Black Cove, but you can bet yer salty sea dogs that after watching this trailer, I'm downloading the demo as fast as Steam will serve it up. Some people like Ninjas. Some people like Zombies. Me, I'm a Pirate Man! I played Sid Meyer's Pirates to the point where I had to uninstall it to stop missing work. I played the Pirates of the Caribbean game that Bethesda put out back in 2003 and loved every second of it. Hell, you give me a ship, the open sea, and some luscious booty and I'll play just about any game.
If you haven't already closed the window and gone to download Pirates of the Black Cove, let's look at Firefall:
Wait a second, Tribes? What are you doing in my Firefall trailer... oh wait.
Firefall is a free-to-play team based, mulitplayer shooter that will be supported by an in game marketplace. A sort of Battlefield: Heroes with jetpacks and space lasers you might say. Now normally I'd dismiss this one as a fairly run of the mill third person action clone, but the developer, Red 5, has a pretty good pedigree. Most of the upper level folks working on Firefall are actually ex-Blizzard developers that had their sticky little hands in the development of World of Warcraft. So hopefully this game will prove to be more than just the sum of its parts. If nothing else it has The Professor's Axiom working in its favor:
Everything is better once you add space lasers and aliens.
But hey, I realize that space lasers aren't for everyone. Sometimes you just want to inflict the maximum amount of carnage that the law will allow. Enter Serious Sam: Double D:
That's a big monkey.
Serious Sam: Double D is being developed by the strangely named Mommy's Best Games and seems to have everything going for it. Unbridled carnage? Check. Giant Monkeys? Yep. The ability to stack six or more guns on top of each other and shoot them all at the same time? Sure... wait, what? Yes, true believers, Mommy is bringing you a brand new concept in carnage for Mr. Serious's next outing: the GUN STACKER. One gun not enough? Well the GUN STACKER has got ya covered. Besides, who hasn't wanted to shoot every gun in their inventory at the same time? No one, that's who.
Finally, there's a new Horde 2.0 trailer out for Gears of War 3. Unlike the last trailer, which sought to enlighten and educate, this one just wants you to scream 'OH YEAH' and go bursting through the wall like the Kool Aid Man.
Whenever I see Gears of War, all I can think of is how much I want a GoW/Brutal Legend crossover game.
So there you have it, ladies and germs. More trailers than you can shake a stick at. Just try it. I dare you.