If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Hollywood has been known for destroying our childhoods with shit like: Scooby Doo, Yogi Bear, Underdog, Transformers, G.I. Joe, Battleship, etc. Just a few days ago, WB (Warner Brothers) released the test footage for two film adaptations of the cartoon characters Hong Kong Phooey & Marvin the Martian. Here's the video below:
seen enough? yeah, I thought so. I know what you're going to say; "they actually thought this would be funny?!" I don't if it's me but it looked like they were trying to make both 3D as well and I just need to say "Please!! Stop milking 3D!!" Hollywood has milked the 3D cow bone dry by now and it's only been 3 years since Avatar came out. Now, I don't really mind 3D I've been very selective of which ones to watch in 3D. Life of Pi, Prometheus, Dredd, Avatar, Toy Story 3. those are good in 3D but putting EVERY movie in 3D?? no, they need to stop with that!! Anyway, back to the story, I'll separate the two and discuss my thoughts in which judging by the others, I'm not really alone!
First, We'll discuss Hong Kong Phooey. So after watching Eddie Murphy attempt career suicide with this irritating and unfunny dogshit, Let me say that If this was an actual full length movie and a member of the UN were watch this, It would be added to a list of the many kinds of torture and be banned from the U.S. (if only that occurred with Catwoman in 2004). I mean i wouldn't think that kids would enjoy this! I mean seriously, Toilet Humor? Crotch Trauma jokes? and that bit where Eddie Murphy says: "ooh! A Mint!!" (that prompted a well deserved face-palm, by the way) I mean seriously Warner Brothers! didn't you get enough money from The Dark Knight Trilogy?! Kids went to see those films and those movies were pretty fucking good! The Dark Knight Rises had bits of humor but those didn't involve a toilet, crotch trauma, or fart jokes! I wonder what the writer's meeting was like; "hey dude! let's have him play with his nunchuks and hit his balls in the process!" "(laughter) oh, my god that's genius!" "can we have him lick a urinal and a eat the soap in the urinal after he drinks fro the toilet bowl?" "(laughing) yes!! that's awesome! let's do that!!" ........fuck
Next, We'll discuss Marvin the Martian. Now, this one isn't as bad as HKP (hong kong phooey) but, that's like saying that one torture device hurts less than the other. With this one I felt like the writers were running this footage on a checklist: Product Placement? Check! Generic and disturbing testicle Joke? Check! Ripping off Child's Play? Check! Annoying Kid Actor? Check! While I'm at it, Why the hell do they still try to put the cartoon characters in live action? Have they not learned their lessons with Scooby Doo, Underdog, Yogi Bear, or Scooby Doo 2?!! No, they haven't! The kid actor while, not as annoying as Jake Lloyd, irritated the shit out of me in this video! I have seen the cartoons, I loved the cartoon! But this? this is a disgrace!!
I'm glad that both projects are dead. now please, let them stay dead before we get a cinematic equivalent of the song "Barbie Girl"
Either way it could always get worse: