If it's crap ... We'll tell you
What's up Spillos, Spillions, Spildos, Spillerinos, Spilldildos, or what the f@#k you guys are being called, Meksicano's here to bring you his thoughts about a certain lil' film called Watchmen.
Now, as you all know, this is a graphic novel that revolutionized and changed the comic book world forever, making superheros something more than just lame cheesy boy scouts in tights. I recognize the importance and significance of it and of what Alan Moore had to say through this deep and controversial story.
Now, with that being said, I have one thing to say about the book. FUCK IT! That's right, FUCK THE GRAPHIC NOVEL AND FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT IT! Now why am I saying this you ask, well let me tell you before all you fanboys get your rorschach panties all up in a bunch. I remember hearing a certain critic say something like this... "I don't want to hear the word 'book' in this conversation, I'm a film critic, not a literary critic..." a movie should stand out on its own merit. Now I really really wanted to see the movie WITHOUT any knowledge or having read the novel, buuuut since it is over two decades old, I didn't have that luxury. Now I'm not naming any names...
..but this shit happens, oh well.
Since certain parts were already revealed, this is what I decided to do a little experiment, I read only the 1st 5 chapters of the novel the day before the movie, so I can have both ends of the spectrum. Doing so, I can really see why fanboys could complain about it. I couldn't help but nitpick what little changes they made, what musical choices and line deliveries that went different in my head. I did however enjoy the second half of the flick, having a great damn time watching it keeping me on the edge of my seat :D. Do yourself a favor and DON'T read the book before viewing, it really robs you from whatever suspense and story revelations that the film might have. Sure, you might be a little lost not knowing the background, but here's what you should do if this happens. See the movie, read the book, then see it again either in theaters or on dvd, it's your choice. The book should answer whatever confusing questions you may have if you didn't get all of it the first time.
Now let me address a few complaints that I've heard, now I don't know what movie I saw, but comparing this movie those awful Friedburg/Seltzer parody "Shit Movies"? You're gonna eat those words when those fucktards actually do spoof Watchmen in whatever spectacle they'll poop out next.
As for the acting, the "atrocious" acting, with the exception of the 1st Silk Spectre, nothing really stood out as horrible. I've seen much, much worse on higher profile movies, about how the "actor" whines about how he's gonna be the most powerful jedi ever. None of it really took me out of the film, acting wise at least. Sure Silk Spectre II is no Kate Winslet, but she was competent enough to carry the role and you get used to it. Loved The Comedian and how brutal he was, a great guy you'd love to hate. Nite Owl II did a great job for his character, giving an awkward yet sympathetic performance. Ozymandias, I felt he was a little underused, but you do get him and his motives as the movie raps up. Now the one's who stood out were as f@#king amazing were Rorschach and Manhattan. Jackie Earl Hailey's performance made me love the character on how badass and deeply disturbed he was, as for Dr. Manhattan, his monotone voice and dialogue gave me a creepy vibe on how inhuman he was becoming. I was actually pretty scared of him, not knowing what he might do as his care for humanity drifts further and further away. Oh, and as for that comment where Nite Owl II goes "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!", as a Darth Vader moment, that's complete bullshit, and let me tell you why. The way he screamed and why is what I felt deep inside when that moment happened..... I almost cried out myself.... you'll see why.
The make up however.. did. I couldn't help from lol'ing at how bad it was. It might as well have been this on screen...
...but to say stuff like this destroyed the film, it wasn't a real major problem to distract you from the main attractions.
The musical cues, sure, I'll give you that. It should've stuck to more of an original score, and even so, good original score. Sometimes it would kill the mood and make it feel like something it's not, although there some great ones like in Manhattan's origin segment, there were of course some cheese in a few parts.
"Hello darkness, my old friend."
I admit however, I did get a little giddy when "Along the Watchtower" cued in =3, but hey, that's just me.
And now one to the infamous "Snyder" Slow-mo scenes. I do admit I was skeptical when those early clips hit online. In the movie however it is actually unnoticeable as time went along, it was never an issue with me and it blended real well with the movie. I feel it's just the "hey, lets jump on Snyder's Slowtastic Shitfest" bandwagon whenever I hear about it. Sure it's unnecessary to see over and over again, but they are gorgeous to look at and he doesn't do it through the entire damn film, and the complaints are often exaggerated.
Not to defend Zack entirely, the mother fucker needs to learn subtlety. Now I'm not addressing the over use of violence and sex, that I didn't mind. No, it was the character handling. I might bitch about spoilers, but even so, I still would've figured out the big twist early the way he handled the so called "look".
We get it, he's evil.... "and possibly homosexual"
Really Zack, did you really need to throw the village people in his intro for shits and giggles, and the "boys" file, and let alone bring back the unforgivable "bat nipples"? You may be a great visionary, but as Ozy says.. "Do grow up".
Ohhhhhh ho ho hoooo, speaking of growing up, there's one complaint I hear about that is completely ridiculous to even argue about. Now what pisses me off is when somebody bitches about something due to their squeamishness or immaturity... "or possible homosexuality"
Now what I'm referring to is of course... the blue dick
GET OVER IT ALREADY! Seriously, what's the big fucking deal about it. Unlike the Batnipples, it actually does contribute to his character, representing his alienation and slowing decay of his humanity. Now I'm not addressing the jokes being made about it, blue penises do make for comedy gold. I'm talking about those who attack it as a major flaw in the film. I saw the film, IN IMAX NO LESS..
..and I didn't make a big deal of it, in fact I didn't even notice it for the rest of the film. Even the little giggles in the theater kinda annoyed me.
"Tee hee, look at the big blue pee pee" =B
You know what, if you can't handle a little male nudity with out spazzing out with the maturity of an 8 year old, I say suck it. Suck it looong, and suck it harrrd!
Never thought I had to defend blue genitalia ever in my life, go figure o.O
Now moving on to the main film itself, it's roughly 3 hours long, but I wanted more though. It really didn't feel enough for me, and to say that for a 3 hour film?! That's really saying something. When watching the film, something struck out to me, I would kill to see this made again as a TV series on HBO. 12 one hour episodes expanding the story that so captivated me on screen. You will definitely notice it too while watching it too. There are moments on the screen where you can't help but think, "Damn, that would've been an incredible ending to an episode". To think about it, it has the same format as "Lost", as it tells an incredible non-linear character story in the narrative.
In the end of it all, you can't deny that this is worthy of the title "Great". Let's face it, it does make groundbreaking achievements for making a film about rated R superheros in Hollywood, setting the standards of maturity of the genre. It really is amazing that film like this got made in the first place in this day and age. Over the top, sure, but other greats such as Robocop and Road Warrior were too (which btw made a lil' cameo =3), and they've stood the test of time. Now please refrain from comparing the book to this cause it'll only end in disappointment. A film should always stand on its own merit, despite how famous the source material is. If I had to give it a rating, it'll be a 7/10. There are some parts I would change myself, maybe take the film a little bit more seriously, but overall, the good definitely outweighed the bad.
Go see it, it'll kick your ass left and right, be a man! Don't end up like this dummy!
Find more videos like this on The Spill.com Movie Community
"Full Price" Indeed
til' next time kiddies