Ok, first off i'd like to start with a poem by me,
"The Things I'd Do For You...To Just Go Away."
I'd buy a ticket to the Jonas Brothers,
Hell, I'd even buy another.
I'd keep the TV on the disney channel,
As all I think I know will dismantle,
As much as I'd like to dig my own grave,
I'd rather Hannah Montana be my 'fave!'
And watch High School Musical every day,
Just to make you go away.
I'd even see a spinoff of the twins in Transformers 2,
Or watch another Scooby Doo,
Or Spend the night with the 'Jackass' crew,
Or watch Disaster Movie all the way through,
Or watch Jack Black eat some poo.
Oh, Theres few things I wouldn't do,
Just to watch the death of you.
I'd do it all if it just might,
Bring the end to fucking Twilight
I hope you enjoyed that. Now let's get into just what makes Twilight suck so fucking hard.
The Top 5 Reasons Why Twilight Blows!
(brought to you by spill)
#5. The False Sense of Individualism
Ok, so you've got a supposedly hot girl who just wants to be a loner. That's not called "special", that's fucking emo, and falling in love with some other emo kid doesn't make you any more unique than a typical cheerleader.
#4. The Movies
I can accept the fact that there are tween books that are going to hook young girls into their romantic expressions of passion and loooove, but FUCK. Did there really need to be a movie that makes me SEE these pale freaks everywhere I look??? Goddamn I can't even watch the MTV Movie awards anymore....ok, I just can't watch the MTV Movie Awards ever, but still!
#3. Long Periods of Staring =/= Love
It appears that all of these romantic comedies are wasting their time developing their love interests throughout the movie, it appears all you need is to have powers and save a girl, and BOOM she's fascinated by every little thing you do. Even if you're literally the most boring fucking being on the planet (which is kinda hard considering you're a "vampire"), she will be completely in love with you all because of that longing stare of yours. I thought we were past this kindof writing in today's storytelling??
#2. THESE AREN'T VAMPIRES
Vampires don't sparkle. They don't drink animal blood. And they most certainly DO NOT go to high school!!! They're fucking immortal super powered monsters, and the most they can do is slow-mo walk the halls of their super lame
school full of conformists
and complain when one of them actually tries to get laid with someone who isn't as pale as a fucking ghost....o wait...sorry Kristin Stewert.
and finally #1. THE FANS
Fuck you, Twilight fans. Fuck you for letting these people make money. Fuck you for making me not enjoy good songs because they're on the Twilight soundtrack. Fuck you for letting this win awards chosen by the masses. But most importantly, fuck you for effectively popularizing the pussified version of the vampire. Day Breakers, you better be as good as the Spill Crew says you are...
So that's it. Anything I missed?? Any personal Twilight experiences you'd like to share? Are there actually any Twilight fans out there that wish to defend themselves???