I have no one to blame but myself.
What did I think, that any film with the title “_______ Movie”
even had the outside chance of being amusing at this point? I figured, hey, it’s got segments co-written by SNL
peeps like Will Forte
and Andy Samberg
. It’s got a slightly
higher class of cameo celebrities in it than these things usually do, with sequences featuring Michael Cera
, Frankie Muniz
, Matthew Lillard
, and Jamie Kennedy
. Most importantly of all, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
were nowhere near it. Some part of me remained optimistic for the spoof films of yore, back when Leslie Nielsen
was a cop, Val Kilmer
was a rock star and people knew who Robert Hays
was. I was naïve. Terribly, terribly naïve and now another small chunk of my brain has melted away thanks to exposure to “Extreme Movie”
, a collection of barely connected comedy sketches that actually rivals “Disaster Movie”
in its complete lack of worth.
The writing/directing team of Adam Jay Epstein
and Andrew Jacobson
weren’t on my hit list until now but they should have been. This is the brain trust that delivered “The Comebacks”
and “Not Another Teen Movie”
and who got their start working as writers and consultants for the parody sequences from various MTV movie award shows. That would explain how they know a few minor ‘anxious to please’
celebrities who showed up for this travesty (even they should have known better than to give Andy Milonakis
theatrical work though). Michael Cera
can’t even be blamed as this has been sitting on the shelf since 2006. Which is too bad because I love finding chances to blame Michael Cera
for things. What's he gonna do, come beat me up? HA ha hahahhaha.
I normally try to break down a plot synopsis around here in my reviews but there’s no point. What’s “Extreme Movie”
about? Nothing. Imagine a group of sixth grade boys who grew up raised by a frat house writing and starring in a comedy film all about what they think sex and relationships are like. When the first scene in your movie involves a creepily adolescent Frankie Muniz
having kinky sex not considered viable by anyone outside readers of “The Stile Project”
, you’re going to have trouble keeping me from being physically ill, much less sitting through the rest of your film. The film is so across the board unamusing, unambitious and uninspired that I wish they could unmake it. Even the few boobs shots towards the end of the film (yeah, in a not rated sex ‘comedy’
, hardly any boobs until the end. Who planned this thing, George Bush
?) weren’t enough to stir me at either end.
Here’s why you might like “Extreme Movie”
A: You cannot STOP laughing when some one farts. An autonomic laugh reaction. Oh wait, if this is you, you won’t know what the word autonomic means. Um, HEY LOOK, SHINY THING!!
B: You are between the ages of 6-10 years old.
C: You have a secret and sexy desire to see Abraham Lincoln
have gay anal sex with a teenager, which by the way, you can insert yourself in place of the teenager here
if you are that one person in the world with this fetish. I’m looking at you, Korey
, keeper of all fetishes both disturbing and odd. (Oh great now I’m gonna get a ‘stop picking on Korey’
message from you-know-who
If you don’t qualify for one of those three, then avoid this at all costs. I had a moment of hope near the end when they were doing a porno musical number, but it sucks like Celine Dion
doing a medley of Barbara Streisand
’s greatest hits (I'm sorry Mom, but that would totally suck. I love you anyway). This is was JUST done so much better in James Gunn’s PG Porn Series
...there, now you don’t have a single reason to watch “Extreme Movie”
ever. Don’t even look at it. It’s evil. It’ll melt you like you were a Nazi.
Click Here to Buy Extreme Movie
but don't say I didn't warn ya.