Tis the season, the heck with Christmas. For all of us couch surfers, the new fall season isn't just a slice of heaven, but it’s Shangri–La and Citizen Kane's Xanadu all rolled into one. How do you make heads or tails of everything? Well you stay tuned to CPA all week long for what to set your DVRs and TiVos for.

House, M.D. (8-9PM, FOX) Can you believe that it's been seven years since Mr. Cranky Pants and his team of diagnostic misfits doctored their way into our hearts, and brains, and eyes, and feet, and whatever medical mystery we've been presented week–in–week out. Since the series began, the will they or won't they, or have they ever between Drs. Greg House and Lisa Cuddy has been a source of House's venom and black comedy. After a phenomenal fifth season that saw House kick his Vicodin habit, the pair has seemingly finally made it official. The premiere episode of the sixth season, "Now What?" featured the new couple having fun and at times, over–analyzing the future of their union. Meanwhile, Remy ‘Thirteen’ Hadley was saying her goodbyes as the actress that portrays her, Olivia Wilde is taking some off to film "Cowboys
and Aliens." As for the character's reason for leaving–which no one knows, as she lied about participating in a clinical trial for her Huntington's disease and leaving the rest of the team no clue as to where she's going. There was a poor, but comical medical mystery involving bad seafood and a neurosurgeon that was going bonkers because of the fish, but the episode was first and foremost about setting up where ‘Huddy’ (or ‘Couse’) goes from here. Plus when Wilde returns, I'm sure there'll be an interesting answer as to why she decided to vanish.

Patch Adams he ain't. Hugh Laurie returns as Dr. House

The Event (9-10PM, NBC) Speaking of vanishing, that's exactly what happened at the climax of the most–hyped show of the fall's pilot episode, a plane piloted by family man, seemingly turned villain Mike Buchanan (Scott Patterson) which was aimed right for President Eli Martinez (Blair Underwood), vanished
into thin air. And that wasn't even the event. We still have no clue what this big event is, but hopefully, we'll know by season's end. To compound matters, Buchanan's would–be–son–in–law, Sean Walker (Jason Ritter) was also on board the plane. Prior to boarding the disappearing craft, Walker's girlfriend, Leila
Buchanan (Sarah Roemer) vanished off of a Cruise liner, along with any record of the couple being on the sea vessel. There's also a hidden prison in middle of Alaska being run by Sophia Maguire (Laura Innes). Somehow all of these plotlines are supposed to tie together. The series is most definitely trying to turn Losties into "Event Planners" (sounds better than Eventies), and hopefully they all still have the patience of saints as after one episode, we already have a lot more questions than simply "what is the event?"

The cast of NBC's high stakes drama, "The Event"

Two and a Half Men (9-9:30PM, CBS) The Chuck Lorre/NCIS/CSI network, I mean CBS almost took a big hit when Charlie Sheen not only almost didn't resign to star in "Two and a Half Men," but the guy's tabloid problems didn't do him any favors. Thankfully, for whatever reason, Sheen's made of Teflon and his personal problems could easily mirror that of his characters. The show's eighth season premiere, "Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud" saw some of the actor's problems mined for comic gold as we first find Charlie face down on the stairs from a night of drinking and trying to mail his pants to Malaysia, along with Alan making fun of the actor's new haircut. Heck, Charlie Harper himself mentions that he's made of Teflon (although his nephew Jake corrects him and calls him a pervert). The show’s other plotline featured Jake and his friend Eldridge catch Alan and Eldridge's mother, Lindsay (Courtney Thorne–Smith) together, which causes a minor rift between father and
son.

Now with Jake almost an adult, will the show be called "Three Peter Pans?"

Mike and Molly (9:30-10PM, CBS)
Speaking of Chuck Lorre, the guy’s has debuted another comedy. First he explored the dynamics of two brothers raising a young boy, then Lorre mined the classic nerd–want hottie equation of “The Big Bang Theory,” and now the guys going for (cheap pun intended) big laughs with the plus size boy meets girl comedy, “Mike and Molly.” Chicago police officer Mike Biggs (another cheap pun perhaps?), played by Billy Gardell meets fourth grade teacher, Molly Flynn (Melissa McCarthy) at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and set up date number one for the second episode, the catch is that they’re the ones making most of the fat jokes. That and they both seem content with just being happy with they are. “Mike and Molly” presents and represents an old– school sitcom and new sitcom quandary. The series’ premise is simplistic that it could have easily been produced in the eighties golden age of sitcoms, but in the new millennium, “Mike and Molly” will have to branch out fast to keep and garner fans.

Will bigger be better?

Chase (10-11PM, NBC)
Every week, US Marshall Annie Frost (Kelly Giddish) is going to do a hard–target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in Texas to get her man. Along with the rest of her team, Marco Martinez (Amaury Nolasco), Jimmy Godfrey (Cole Hauser), and newcomer, Luke Watson (Jessie Metcalfe) Annie will hunt down fugitives until the ends of the Earth. On the surface, "Chase" seems like a police procedural, but with this cast and this premise, we'll hopefully be getting "The Fugitive" every week, or at the very least "US Marshalls." Add to the mix Annie’s backstory of her own father being a fugitive and you have a show that can turn morose and gritty as fast as it can hard–hitting and action packed. The show's premiere episode featured the team running and gunning after Mason Boyle, a killer with a thing for bludgeoning blondes. The team, when not physically chasing their suspect mentally chases him, trying to get inside his head and ascertain what his next move will be. The show seems too big for NBC, like it should be on A&E or USA, but hopefully that will only make "Chase" better than your average cop show.

What a divine catch they're going to be - the cast of "Chase"

Hawaii Five-O (10-11PM, CBS)
Our 50th and sunniest state has never looked this gritty, or taken itself so seriously. After an explosive shootout which saw Detective Steve McGarrett's (Alex O'Laughlin) father killed, we're treated to still fun classic "Hawaii Five–O" theme song. Jarring effect between firefight and fun theme aside, the reboot's first episode features McGarrett putting together an elite team of cops, Detectives Chin Ho Kelly (Daniel Dae Kim), Danny "Danno" Williams (Scott Caan), and Kona Kalakua (Grace Park); whose first mission is to find the man who killed McGarrett's father. Caan's smarmy charm as Danno should be able to anchor this show, followed by O'Laughlin's steely demeanor. Add Daniel Dae Kim's underrated fan base and the breezy yet badass Park into the mix and this reboot has all the makings of the hit, CBS promotes it to be, that is of course if it can win its timeslot.

To quote Mr. Stewart, your moment of Zen - Hawaii Five-O's Grace Park should make hearts thump to sound of the show's theme song.

Confessions From the Couch
–Am I the only one who for some odd reason
constantly forgets the day “House” starts up again and then is instantly pumped whenever the show’s on? I guess we can call the doctor show infectious. Here’s hoping that whether they stay together or not, the House loves Cuddy storyline will be yet another shot in the arm and keep the medical mystery tour rolling into season seven. Wilson thinking House was hallucinating was a nice comical touch and callback to last time House and Cuddy “consummated.”

–To me, the big loser of Monday nights will be “Hawaii Five–O.” Yes while everything I said about the series praised the reboot, the fact is that the show just tries to hard to not only stand out on its own, but
strays so far from the original that older viewers may be turned off. That and so far after one episode each, “Chase” is better. At least Hawaii Five–O has Daniel Dae Kim playing a cop again, something he hasn’t done since the days of Tom Baker on “24.” And of course Grace Park still running undercover as she did
on “The Cleaner” is a nice touch.

–Can “The Event” scream ‘We want all the old “24”
and “Lost” fans’ any louder? Unfortunately, so far, all the hype led to a pretty big dud of a first episode. It will be interesting to see how these random plot lines tie together. It will be even more interesting to see how long NBC strings us along before revealing the big event. Keep in mind the network’s last high concept drama was”Heroes,” a series that most fans stunk to

high hell after its first season and this Couch Potato could never catch onto. Hopefully my concerns about “the Event” will be alleviated by next week.