If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Black Friday. It’s the day that’s known where unbeatable deals for flat screens and toys are offered to the public. It is also that day where both parents and patrons turn stores into UFC arenas as they beat the ever loving shit out each other for the limited items offered to them. So how bad is this infamous event? This fellow spill “Reporter” went into the trenches to find out.
The following report is from Nov 25-26, 2010 posted in the LEOG group page
Hello fellow leog members this is your fellow spill member This Badass Dragon on the site of a best buy along with a few other people waiting for the store to open. Right now the line seems small at first but its going to increase in time. I'll be doing hour by hour coverage on the black Friday sale.
For spill.com, this is This badass dragon.
This Badass Dragon on hour two of the black Friday special.
Right now two brunettes are talking to the people at the front of the line if they have the store ads. A fat lady is now complaining about the rules of the line even tough a guy is holding the line and people are now driving past the line to look at them. Aaaaannnnd there's another fat lady.
So far the line is starting to increase from 6 to 9 more people. Everything is calm right now but for this creature reporting.....I have to pee.
This just in: Mad Men seasons 1-3 is 9.99 each a good deal for the best television show since the walking dead
For spill.com this badass dragon signing off....for now
This badass dragon now into the third hour at the black Friday sale.
Right next to a best buy there is a Toys R' Us where the line is rapidly increasing as we speak of now. My god I can't imagine the udder chaos that's going to take place in 90 minutes: like Katrina it’s quiet before the storm.
Over at the best buy now a man is now smoking a cigar which is REALLY starting to take effect to the people behind him even myself. Expect passive agressive insultes to increase by the minutes. We now have an off duty best buy employee helping the consumers questions.
This just in: a woman has now brought her baby in a stroller to the TRS store. Is she using her infant as a mini riot shield? We'll find out the next hour.
For spilll.com, this badass dragon out, my god can they at least think of the children?
The toys r' us line is closing in on the best buy line. We have approximately 30 minutes until we cross the streams I repeat 5 minutes before we cross the stream!
EVERYBODY BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hour 4 of the black Friday bonanza,
Minute by minute the toys r' us line is rapidly increasing. So much the line has now passes three stores including this best buy. Is this madness? No this is Toys 'R Us.
An employee from TRS has is now conforming that they are taking in 50 people at once. Even tough relief, a fight could break out at the mire drop a kung fu grip iron man discount. The store clerks are now distributing tickets for 4 to 8GB ipods as well as a floaty object called "balloons" (this reporter calls them olivia munn repelant)
Stay tuned for hour 5 of black Friday
This Badass Dragon out
Hour 5 in *African American* Friday,
What's worse than a middle aged cigar smoker? Casual smokers mixed with exhaust fumes says this dedicated mythical reporter.
The toys r us line is so long that the consumers have now robbed other shopping carts from other retail stores. Homeless people that for some unexplainable reason obtain a computer I ask that you be on high alert .
Just about 10 minutes ago a man committed a drive by via youtube by recording how long this black Friday line is. This reporter says someone is. Trying to get their 5 seconds of fame of local news time.
Wait the line is now moving for the 7th time.
Meanwhile three feet away from the madness the people waiting for best buy is doing their best to contain themselves on the minimal supply of good deals.
THIS JUST IN: a man has just completed a waffle house run. the tought of finding a parking space in this heat of barley entertaining chaos makes this reporter worry about how much gas this citizen used up.
For spill.com, This Badass Dragon out
Hour 6 shows a unique change of events on Mandingo Friday.
In a strange turn of events some bitch is trying to steal this Dragons interviews of local customers: Dragon don't play that shit yo. No muthafuka is taking my thunder. Fortunately the lady was known to be from what one camper says "some crazy bitch that's pretending her smart hpone IS a microphone".
After six hours and two bathroom trips we have I witness reports on spotting a southern guido. Subject is known to look fat and has a blonde weave that stands up. "Its a Jersy thing"? Not anymore says this riveting reporter.
Upon 20 minutes prior to the report two kids bribed a single dollar to a man that was currently reading the newspaper. The kids then started to bribe the man approximately $1 in order to obtain the toys r us ad pages. Unfortunately the man did not have the ad paper and the said dollar was never obtained. He was so close to get his Mac double yet he now shall be "kinda hungry"
More to come on hour 7
For spill.com This Badass Dragon signing off
UPDATE!!!!!!!!: The toys r us line is now coming to an end, repeat its now coming to an end. This Dragon thanks the over sized Georgia state fan heroism. The madness is almost over.
Its hour 7 of blackest Friday and for this reporter this is "the hour of the douchbag"
The first report comes from the front of the line where a group of teens to young adults star listening to Nickelback. The supposed iPod dj tried to recover with Metallica and Lady gaga (now currently listening to some generic Nirvana song). My reporter rule: you’re a doughbag if you have ANY Nickleback song in your playlist.
We have alleged reports of a man punching a woman in the face for her videogames. We also got a report on some fights for shoes. This Dragon says: only the tip of the iceberge my fellow spillios.
In the "I really could give a shit" news. A man four seats behind me is asking about the new T.I. album
THIS JUST IN: the teenagers are becoming the obnoxious like the ones you see in slasher films. Now these dumb fucks are playing the Spanish version of "Barbie girl" this reporters ears are literally being water boarded
This also just in: the store manager has now arrived. Are we an hour close to getting the hot tickets? More in an hour...
For spill.com, This Badass Dragon out
Hour 8 comes upon blacksploitation Friday and the finish line is just 4 more hours away. We have a lot to cover so let's get to it.
10 minutes ago a best buy employee came outside and is now making a list of the names of people that have been waiting line. No hot ticket now but a foreshadowing of good things to come: this reporter is pleased.
On my third and possibly final trip to the bathroom at Wal-Mart. The storm of this dubious holiday struck first. Lines were backed up like 5 p.m. traffic, the women’s bathroom was backed up with anger and estrogen, and I'm pretty sure the entrance reeked of urine.
In about 2 hours we may have a forecast of showers coming our way and it looks like the people behind me aren't prepared for that situation.
THIS JUST IN: the best buy employee is confirming 3:30 for the hot tickets to be distributed. In a totally unrelated story I'm now hungry.....with anticipation and actual food.
Hour 9 is just an hour away. For spill.com this is This Badass Dragon for riveting news. I'm out
Is it a little weird that I'm getting a slight chubby when they showed balloons? This illegally licensed reporter says no.
We have now reached hour 9 of negro (Spanish word for black) Friday as it test this reporters dedication as I beat the ever-loving shit out of my drowsiness with my two very lethal and sexy bear hands.
So far in the hour me and some other people start distributing door buster ads to remind people what the fuck are they exactly here for. A few minutes later they have just printed out the maps of the location where the items are going to be. Is it smart or is it an appetite for destruction. This reporter only eats justice so its up for you to decide.
I wish I could show you the picture of the map but alas I'm typing this via my android phone. So yes this whole coverage has been typed on my phone the whole time: there's no such thing as pain in news just Emmy's and puppies, not in that order.
We have 3 police cars in front of a best buy right now. I will later try and interview the riot shield that will be smashing my face in later on in the morning for now we wait.
We are 3 hours away until ground zero
For spill.com, I'm This Badass Dragon back to you Fungusmonkey and/or Grant
WE ARE AT DEFCON 4 PEOPLE. DEFCON 4. This is the final hour of Dan Black Friday.friday . The employess are now giving the ad tickets, its raining outside, and we are now getting ready for the chaos to start. SHIT IS GOING DOWN!!!!!! Get ready folks. LET'S DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
To all my fellow spillios,
The storm is about 30 minutes away. If I don't make it tell everyone I died the manliest way as possible: wrestling a bear on the pavement while having sex with my girlfreind.
Holy shit they now just put police tape on the lines. You can't get this news anywhere else. Except on local news, but who the fuck looks at local news?
As the smoke clears and after a long nap, This reporter can say that I’ve survived the ordeal of the dreaded Black Friday: I was able to get my PS3 bundle of the system, a Blue Ray of Cars, Little Big Planet, and Modnation Racers overall: Mission Accomplished