If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Rating-Some Ole' Bullsh*t!! Talk about a letdown. I mean what the fuck happened? Did Paul W.S (Worthless shithead) Anderson's balls drop off or something? Well, we got a lot of shit to dig through so lets get started. The story of Alien Vs Predator (AVP) is that a satellite owned by the Weyland Corporation detects a pyramid in Antartica, so a team led by owner and billionare Charles Bishop Weyland, is dispatched to investigate. Obviously, they don't have a fucking clue what awaits them. First of all, why is the movie set in the than present day 2004? Somebody else on Youtube already pointed this out but wasn't the whole point of the Alien films to try to stop the Xenomorphs from reaching Earth, cause if they did it would mean the end of everything. Did whoever wrote the script consider that before writing the fucking movie? NO! Of course they didn't. To make matters worse, the story is predictable as hell. You can already tell who is going to live and who is going to die, which removes the tension immediately. And don't even get me started on the plot holes, contradictions, and outright stupid shit, like the fact that the predators hate the cold, that is why they hunt in the extreme heat, yet in here they are hunting in one of the coldest places on the planet. The characters in AVP are fucking brainless monkeys who deserve to die for their poor qualities as well... characters. None of them are memorable or interesting in the slightest sense of the word. A lot of them are downright annoying, like that guy who would not shut the fuck up about his kids. Or that prick with his stupid good luck charm. When they die in horrible, painful ways, you just do not give a shit. And that is unacceptable. Dialogue in AVP is as bad as it gets. Almost every line that comes out of the characters mouth makes you cringe, the lack of quality in this script is truly remarkable. I know for a fact that nobody with an IQ above 50 proofread the script before filming began, cause towards the end the last surviving predator and human team up to kill the aliens. Never mind the fact that the predators are supposed to be bad guys, but I swear they almost kiss at one point. If they had explained the team up better (Like they did in the comics) then maybe I wouldn't find this so insultingly stupid. How are the predators in AVP? Answer: Fucking pussies. For some reason, the fast and agile predators that we have come to love have been replaced by predators that are slow and clunky, they're basically the rejects. Whoever wrote this shit script also has obviously never seen a Predator film, cause they even got the fucking predator thermal vision wrong! And someone please explain to me why they make lion noises. Why did the predators not bring their weapons with them? When you hunt the most deadly prey in the galaxy you don't do it unarmed, unless you want to die. What truly cripples AVP is its PG-13 rating, where as every other film in the franchise has an R rating, and for good reason cause they contain strong language, blood and gore, and dark mature themes. All of these have been removed to attain the PG-13 rating, which wouldn't bother me so fucking much if it wasn't so obvious. Every time someone drops and f-bomb, or is about to get killed in a gruesome way the film cuts away. I compare it to a hot girl about to show you her rack when all of a sudden an old man walks in front of you and blocks your view entirely. The fact that the film was released in the summer is no excuse for its poor quality. Despite all of my complaints, I can see the movie being seen by many as fun, but only the second act of the film (The first act is boring, and the third is fucking stupid AND boring). Call me a hater, because I don't give a fuck how many people like this horrendous piece of shit (Korey, come on man, you know deep down you hate this film like the rest of us), the movie is a terrible idea for a film (It works for comics and video games, but films aren't those, they are a completely different medium) and should not have been made. It is just a hair above a F**K YOU, barely.