THIS FOLLOWING BLOG IS STRICTLY THE OPINION ON THIS BLOGGER AND DO NOT REFLECT THOSE OF SPILL.COM OR ITS COMMUNITY- THEN AGAIN, AFTER READING THIS BLOG, THIS MIGHT BECOME YOUR OPINION. WHO KNOWS? JUST KEEP READING AND FIND OUT!
Hey everyone! I've been thinking long and hard as to what to write about on my first blog. Then I remember that I've been seeing "VAMPIRE SUCKS" commercials in the past weeks and that the movie opens August 18th. And then it came to me - why not talk about how the directorial genius of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and how we've benefited from their movie parodies. However, therein lies a few problems with that statement: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are NOT geniuses when it comes to directing (or anything else for that matter), their movies have brought the movie parody genre to the depth of Hades and (I hate to say it) it's our fault that they're still making movies!
Parody movies are loosely based of other movie or genre give it comedic feel of some of the things we love about our pop culture - like Spaceballs was a parody of our love for Star Wars and science fiction or how Zombieland was a parody of zombie movies. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (aka Dumber and Dumbest) have been making parody of movie "flavours of the month" that have no proper direction, It's like these two jabronis took a "Directing Movie for Dummies" course and flunked it. Just watching their movies may cause the loss of your brain IQ. Their movies should be used for military and police interrogation, not entertaining. Five minutes of Disaster Movie will make everyone spill their guts.
Imitation is usually the best form of flattery - usually. However, these two pathetic bozos make imitation is the best form of insult. They think if they put as many movie references in one movie that it would show the audience they're creative and get laughs. Sorry, guys. Just because you put comedic spin-offs of 10,000 BC, High School Musical, Iron Man and Sex in The City does not make you creative. Even celebrity look-a-likes such as Amy Winehouse or Jessica Simpson won't make anyone chuckle. And because there's no direction in their directing or writing, there's no flavour or substance to make it even remotely funny - it's pretty much toilet humour without the humour. Although I did like the scene from Meet The Spartans with The Pit of Death. The reason? Let's just say it gave me some crazy idea that involves Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer & The Pit of Death (I leave THAT part to your imagination!).
How did this happen that they're still making movies? Who's to blame for making Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer think that their pieces of visual garbage are comedy gold? Is it the powers that be at 20th Century Fox? No. The parents who were responsible for the very existence of these two douche bags? Sorry, but no. Truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty party, you need only look into a mirror.
Look at these US box office numbers:
DATE MOVIE - $48,546,578
EPIC MOVIE- $39,737,645
MEET THE SPARTAN MOVIE - $38,232,624
These numbers are nowhere near the box office sales of Dark Knight or Avatar, but I'm trying to make a point here. We go to the movie and we put our hard-earn money to watch their films - on purpose! That's money you're not getting back, people! Many of our friends have told us how EPIC MOVIE was crappy! Movie critics warned us with extremely bad reviews of MEET THE SPARTANS! A certain Spill.com critic almost blew his goddamn brains out doing a review of DISASTER MOVIE and gave the movie a Spill.com first ever 'FUCK YOU!" rating (BTW, Thank you for the rating, Korey. KUDOS!). HELL! DISASTER MOVIE wasn't the title of the movie - it was a warning! But much like that old guy holding a 'THE END IS HERE" sign, the warnings go unheard. In fact, some people can't wait to see Vampire Sucks! Seriously.
If you keep giving money to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, it only give these two ass-clowns more reason to movies like this: movies with no creative plot, bad dialogues, and pathetic lookalikes. In short, just pure, unadulterated bullshit. Here's my suggestion for a movie. How about we kidnap Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in the middle of the night, drug them and have them wake up in Chelsea, NY wearing white shirts with writing on them that would seriously piss people off. Then, have somebody film them for 24 hours as they try to escape the angry mob before they get turned into human butt plugs! We can call it: ESCAPE FROM CHELSEA, NEW YORK - IN 3D! Now that's a parody movie I'd love to see!