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Remakes: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Word's out that a remake of Moby Dick is in the works. I don't feel all that confident in it. So it had me thinking about other remakes, including reboots, such as comic book films. So here's my immediate opinion.
The Good
5:
This is here because it's from a time when remakes of Japanese horror films were original and not a used-up gimmick. This movie popped out of the dark and scared the shit out of everyone.
4:
Loved the book, loved the original movie, loved this. I guess I have nothing more to say.
3:
Remember that old crap about "JAMES BLOND!" and how everyone's saying Daniel Craig couldn't do well. Well, now we know that's bullshit. Can't wait for Quantum of Solace.
2:
This is the remake that had to be made well. A film that lived up to the hype. This is one of the best films, ever. A very respectable remake of the '30s classic, a groundbreaking piece for animation and film itself.
1:
After a decent first two films, the Batman movie franchise took a turn for the worst.
JOEL SCHUMACHER. A name all Batman fans have come to know and loathe. Batman and Robin is one of the worst films in the history of history
BUT THEN: Years later, Christopher Nolan came out with Batman Begins, a respectable introduction to the reboot. But then it got followed up with (drumroll)
THE MOTHERF*CKIN' DARK KNIGHT!
Enough said.
The Bad
5:
Tom Hanks as Colonel Sanders!
As a huge fan of Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness and classic British comedy, this was a terrible attempt at a remake. Not one of the worst films I've seen, but nowhere near as good as the original, which was underrated as far as I'm concerned.
4:
Jeff Goldblum trying to take on a Vincent Price role... AND FAILING!
As a science fiction icon, it would take real film-making balls to be able to remake the original. And this group didn't have 'em.
3:
Like I said before, Japanese horror-flick remakes are a tired gimmick nowadays. And this just didn't cut it. I could make a whole section on it, but I won't.
2:
This hurts me as a huge Carrey fan, but this was just an unfunny film. I tried to give a laugh, even a brief chuckle, but alas, nothing. That's all, really.
1:
I'm a Tim Burton fan, and this was a hit to the 'nads. I'm sorry, but this was just a sad excuse for a remake. And the ending, though true to the book, was nowhere near as good as the classic moment in the original.
And now, all you really want to see!
THE UGLY
5:
I'm a John Waters fan, I'm a fan of the original, and I absolutely can't stand any of the uppity Disney teens (The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, and (shutter) Zac Efron) so this film was a depressing let-down. I also hate musicals. So I personally couldn't stand this.
4:
A bunch of recycled dialogue in new context, terrible plot, and lack of any action. This can only be (cue theme song)
SUPERMAN RETURNS
The only thing I enjoyed was the dialogue with Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey. Depressingly, the same exact dialogue was shared between Gene Hackman and Valerie Perrine. So oh well.
3:
Peter Sellers is rolling in his grave.
Steve Martin should get his nuts cut off for this. A terrible, disrespectfully bad (FART JOKES?) remake of the classic original British series. Martin accentuates the accent so much so that you can hardly understand it (which they then make jokes about) in an attempt to make the character a retard. BUT THE CHARACTER WASN'T DUMB! He was just clumsy and unlucky. This is one of the worst films I've seen. And Steve Martin apologized to the public for their anger. And now he's making a sequel. F*ck Steve Martin.
2:
This film was so hyped up with a robotic Kong to be used, and apparent amazing action. This was all lies. This is now one of the most famous flops known to Hollywood. Before the new King Kong remake, which is amazing, was made, this bullshit stunk up the cinemas.
AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...
NUMBER ONE WORST REMAKE EVER MADE:
That's right, the famously terrible monster film, giving a new definition to "disaster film." This hyped up remake of the Tokyo hit was such shit it's not even funny. It's like stock footage from a rip-off of Jurassic Park badly thrown with some Broderick screaming and running. This film deserves the Oscar for biggest lump of crap ever thrown on a screen.
That's what I have to say. What do you think?
The Good
5:
This is here because it's from a time when remakes of Japanese horror films were original and not a used-up gimmick. This movie popped out of the dark and scared the shit out of everyone.
4:
Loved the book, loved the original movie, loved this. I guess I have nothing more to say.
3:
Remember that old crap about "JAMES BLOND!" and how everyone's saying Daniel Craig couldn't do well. Well, now we know that's bullshit. Can't wait for Quantum of Solace.
2:
This is the remake that had to be made well. A film that lived up to the hype. This is one of the best films, ever. A very respectable remake of the '30s classic, a groundbreaking piece for animation and film itself.
1:
After a decent first two films, the Batman movie franchise took a turn for the worst.
JOEL SCHUMACHER. A name all Batman fans have come to know and loathe. Batman and Robin is one of the worst films in the history of history
BUT THEN: Years later, Christopher Nolan came out with Batman Begins, a respectable introduction to the reboot. But then it got followed up with (drumroll)
THE MOTHERF*CKIN' DARK KNIGHT!
Enough said.
The Bad
5:
Tom Hanks as Colonel Sanders!
As a huge fan of Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness and classic British comedy, this was a terrible attempt at a remake. Not one of the worst films I've seen, but nowhere near as good as the original, which was underrated as far as I'm concerned.
4:
Jeff Goldblum trying to take on a Vincent Price role... AND FAILING!
As a science fiction icon, it would take real film-making balls to be able to remake the original. And this group didn't have 'em.
3:
Like I said before, Japanese horror-flick remakes are a tired gimmick nowadays. And this just didn't cut it. I could make a whole section on it, but I won't.
2:
This hurts me as a huge Carrey fan, but this was just an unfunny film. I tried to give a laugh, even a brief chuckle, but alas, nothing. That's all, really.
1:
I'm a Tim Burton fan, and this was a hit to the 'nads. I'm sorry, but this was just a sad excuse for a remake. And the ending, though true to the book, was nowhere near as good as the classic moment in the original.
And now, all you really want to see!
THE UGLY
5:
I'm a John Waters fan, I'm a fan of the original, and I absolutely can't stand any of the uppity Disney teens (The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, and (shutter) Zac Efron) so this film was a depressing let-down. I also hate musicals. So I personally couldn't stand this.
4:
A bunch of recycled dialogue in new context, terrible plot, and lack of any action. This can only be (cue theme song)
SUPERMAN RETURNS
The only thing I enjoyed was the dialogue with Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey. Depressingly, the same exact dialogue was shared between Gene Hackman and Valerie Perrine. So oh well.
3:
Peter Sellers is rolling in his grave.
Steve Martin should get his nuts cut off for this. A terrible, disrespectfully bad (FART JOKES?) remake of the classic original British series. Martin accentuates the accent so much so that you can hardly understand it (which they then make jokes about) in an attempt to make the character a retard. BUT THE CHARACTER WASN'T DUMB! He was just clumsy and unlucky. This is one of the worst films I've seen. And Steve Martin apologized to the public for their anger. And now he's making a sequel. F*ck Steve Martin.
2:
This film was so hyped up with a robotic Kong to be used, and apparent amazing action. This was all lies. This is now one of the most famous flops known to Hollywood. Before the new King Kong remake, which is amazing, was made, this bullshit stunk up the cinemas.
AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...
NUMBER ONE WORST REMAKE EVER MADE:
That's right, the famously terrible monster film, giving a new definition to "disaster film." This hyped up remake of the Tokyo hit was such shit it's not even funny. It's like stock footage from a rip-off of Jurassic Park badly thrown with some Broderick screaming and running. This film deserves the Oscar for biggest lump of crap ever thrown on a screen.
That's what I have to say. What do you think?
Comment
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Comment by Hitchcock on April 8, 2010 at 5:43pm -
i love the coen brothers and i love almost all their films. to hear they'd make a new Tom Hanks version of one of my favorite classics had me thrilled. and i've never been so dissapointed. and, actually, i didn't remember the thing was a remake when i made this list. there. i said it. i wrote this awhile ago and i feel safe to admit it. i don't like humbling my own movie knowledge, but my brain farted. i feel clean now.
and, just in case anyone ends up reading this and cares to comment, i'm just repeating that i will in know way admit that Godzilla's remake was good in any way. FUCK THAT MOVIE. I'm sorry if it was prominent in your life and this is in any way offensive, but don't come and bitch that it's a good film. you can like a film that isn't good. i like plenty of films that are awful, and dislike some that are really good. this would NOT be a case of the latter. fyi.
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Comment by Hitchcock on November 7, 2008 at 6:56am
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that it was. scares the shit out of me. especially the dog. and the chest/mouth. and the back of the guys head. and... well the whole damn movie scares the shit out of me. even the credits.
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Comment by ROFLkiteh on November 6, 2008 at 9:13pm -
The Thing was a great remake.
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Comment by Hitchcock on October 19, 2008 at 8:30am
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i'm sorry, not director, same producer.
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Comment by Hitchcock on October 19, 2008 at 8:26am
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i will admit, again, that the fly is a well recieved film. i just didn't enjoy it. and godzilla could've been good had it not have been a remake and its own film. in that respect, i can see why some people think it's entertaining. but saying it's better than the original and the originals suck is just not right.
and i'm glad to here somebody's here to back me up. the thing was awesome, and had this been out of ten it would've gotten 7th, probably. And if you hate King Kong just as much as i do, just look up Orca, by the same director, go the same amount of hype, and was just as crappy.
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Comment by Collin on October 19, 2008 at 7:34am -
There's no need to be a jackass, Matthew. While I don't think Godzilla should be considered the worst remake ever (I actually think it's an entertaining popcorn flick, I respect the OP's opinions. But I actually think that The Fly is up there with King Kong (2005) and The Thing (1982) as one of the best remakes of all-time.
And I agree that the 1976 King Kong is quite horrible. I loathed it. One of the worst films I've ever seen.
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Comment by Hitchcock on October 17, 2008 at 4:49pm
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i said this was my immediate opinion in the blog. so tell me what you think, but if you can be absolutely proven wrong, i will, and for someone who can't take my criticism without having a 3 paragraph reply about how you're helping spill (oh yea, we need you soooo bad). i want this argument over. and your not going to convince me that godzilla's not a classic, and i can't convince you that the new godzilla's bad. i hate the new one, you hate the old one. so what. so please, please, get over yourself.
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Comment by Matthew L. on October 16, 2008 at 5:35pm
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"That's what I have to say. What do you think? "
And why did you put this in if you didn't want people to bash the living hell out of you Big Boy? If you or anyone else put their opinion out there, YOU have to be prepared for criticism in return. Sometimes it can be constructive criticism, sometimes it can mean being FLAMED UP THE ASS. YOU CAN NOT LOOK AT THE PEOPLE BASHING YOU AND TELL THEM IT'S MY OPINION, when at the very beginning you ask the same group of people, "what do think?" Stay by you guns and man up to criticism Big boy.
And just to clarify, I might come off as a jackass before and even now, I just want people in HERE, IN SPILL to provide A REASON for why any of those movies on their list. THIS GOES FOR EVERYBODY WHO MAKES LISTS. So if I come of as a douche bag, as I am most likely seen as right at this moment, I humbly apologize to you ALFRED HITCHCOCK for coming off as a dick.
Oh and yes, I would punch you in the fucking face for saying that you think the Japanese Godzilla movies (which are basically cheap B-movies in Japan AND RAZZIES IN THEIR OWN RIGHT) are BETTER than Godzilla 1998. But thats another discussion for another day..... ^^
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Comment by Hitchcock on October 16, 2008 at 5:17pm
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it's a classic. and i said its opinionated, and i personally didn't like the fly.
so i respect, yet completely disagree, with your opinion. and thinking your hotshit while being a dude who yells at people online because they've got virtually no balls to be tough in person is funny to me. and wtf do you mean put my money where my mouth is? we aren't betting on my opinion. but here we go.
the owners of godzilla refused to let the monster used in the '98 film "godzilla, hence he is named zilla. it also tied to get a razzie as worst remake. and for the last time, it's my opinion. if you care this much, go make a list. you do have fun.
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How is Godzilla bad? Explain? Since your part of the hundreds or thousands of people who hate Godzilla 1998, EXPLAIN TO ME, WHY IS THE MOVIE SHITTY COMPARED TO THE JAPANESE GODZILLAS?????
Have you ever seen a damn Godzilla movie from Japan??!?! And why your at it, why is the Fly on the list too?
IF YOU CAN NOT PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS BROTHA, YOU ARE THE DUMBFUCK IN HERE.
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