If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Turkey. While a mega hit at the box office, this movie is an unmitigated $#*% Sandwich served up with a side of #*&% You. They take every chance they can to show as much of Jolie as possible while maintaining a PG-13 rating. And had she not made the far superior and incredibly more revealing Gia years before, it MIGHT have been titilating. A nonsensical thrill ride through the very worst of action movie cliches, this movie rips off most of its sequences from other, far better movies. My favorite moment is the pirated scene from The Fugitive where Jolie pretty much imitates the jumping off the dam scene word for word - except for the "I didn't kill my wife!" line.
Original Sin. Bomb. Jolie followed up the PG-13 Tomb raider with the Rated R (and even Unrated) erotic thriller, Original Sin. If you've never seen jolie naked, this is one of the ones to see all her girl parts in. Not that I'd recommend watching this with the volume up. A tepid thriller with a lame as all hell ending, this one was mostly ignored at the box office.
Life or Something Like It. Bomb. Two crapfests in a row and her career was beginning to flag. This is where it started to show its cracks. Released in April this movie made $16 Million. Not in its opening weekend, worldwide in its entire run. Oh, and it is La-Ame.
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. Turkey Bomb. You know you've made a bad movie when the game company that you've adapted your movie from disowns you. You know you've made a finacial bomb when you begi arguing in the press with the comapny over whose fault the box office was: the people who made the stunning crapfest of a movie, or the people who made the weak ass video game that came out just before the movie. Most interesting about this case was the sheer audacity of the producers to even mention that a poorly recieved videogame could have hurt their numbers. The reason this failed? People actually SAW the first one.
Beyond Borders. SUPER BOMB. Jolies biggest failure, this movie (which is actually pretty good) cost a modest $35 Million and took in an incredible $2 Million opening weekend. On 1800 screens. This thing made an average of $1150 per screen on opening weekend. Worldwide it took in only $11 Million when all was said and done. many of us at the time predicted that this was the end of Jolie - that the Oscar curse had claimed another actress. We were WRONG.
Taking Lives. Turkey. Now something of a critical joke, many of us took pleasure in destroying this annoying, turd of a movie. Chock full of twists and turns that were either predictible or entirely nonsensical, it had one good jump scare in it which ultimately made no sense when you thought about it 10 seconds later. I guess this is worth watching if you wanted to make a drinking game out of taking a shot every time Jolie seems to struggle closing her lips together. But with the absolute POS ending that will send you away angry. I wouldn't recommend it.