A little intro before I start a countdown, but I have a tremendous hardon for dudes with guns going at it. In a manly, go get us some chicks manner, dur. In America, where many folk have a hard-on for the second Amendment, there's nothing like watching some big dude on roids grab a firearm and right all the wrongs in the world. So uh, strap in, hold on, and I'll spout off my own opinion and you can tell me I'm horribly wrong with obscure internet references at the end.

Number Ten: Jason Bourne from The Bourne Identity


"Hi I'm Jason and I have amnesia but also super murder assassin death skills har har har." Jason doesn't use a lot of bullets, but when he does, it is goddamn ridiculous. Taking on a sniper with a shotgun, shooting a pistol upside down, it's easy being a government tool.

Number Nine: Charles Bronson from Death Wish


If you haven't watched the cheesy action flick series of Death Wish, you owe it to yourself to watch the original hardass, Charles Bronson, kill over a hundred people over five films. Yes. Over one hundred folk go down at the hands of the guy who would make Chuck Norris eat his own intestines.

Death Wish Bodycount

I wish Charles Bronson was my grandpa :( Then Stallone could make a crappy remake that won't be anywhere as epic as these classics.

Number Eight: Bruce Willis in Tears of the Sun


Such a brutal movie, with Bruce Willis delivering my most commonly used one-liner ever, "cowboy the fuck up." I am kind of cheating here by counting the entire SEAL squad instead of just Willis, but they all add up to one lethal killing machine. I don't give a damn if this movie's weak on the plot and historical accuracy, it's just a hell of an intense climax worth a couple of watches. This is also more of an addition for Bruce Willis as a whole than this one role.

Number Seven: Robert DeNiro in HEAT


HOOAH HOOAH HOOAH! Al Pacino whores out my favorite gun ever (FNC) against Robert DeNiro in an epic seven minute sequence of bullets flying, in the middle of a busy street! It's also probably one of the best scenes in action/crime film. DeNiro played an utterly badass role in the film, and his untimely death killing the possibility of a sequel made me cry inside. But still, Michael Mann at his best.

Number Six: Clint Eastwood in The Dollar Trilogy


Gotta respect the classics, so shove it Spike Lee! Or I'll shove a spike up your arse! Hyarrrrgggh! Anyways, Clint Eastwood being the Man With No Name and his adorable manly poncho of doom hiding his Colt with Ennio Morricone blaring in the background, man, there's nothing like it. So yeah, I have to put Clint Eastwood under grandpas I wish I had.

Number Five: Special Intermission Edition with Kiefer Sutherland!

I don't give a damn if it's just television, it's motherfucking Jack Bauer! Shut the hell up!

BauerCount.com, a site chronicling everyone Jack Bauer has ever fro...

If you don't click Jack Bauer is going to break into your house and interrogate you six sides from Cyrus.

Number Four: Jason Statham in Crank


Crank is another one of my top ten films of all time, hilarious, violent, brilliant, and has one of the most ridiculous scenes we've all daydreamed - oral sex, dangerous driving, and shooting SIMULTANEOUSLY. Yes, this is just one of those films you got to let kick you in the ass so you can truly appreciate it. Seriously, fuggin' great stuff.

Number Three: Clive Owen in Shoot 'Em Up


Did you say something? I'm sorry, I can't hear you over how fucking awesome Clive Owen is. With guns. This movie is in my top ten of all goddamn time. If you haven't seen it, see it, as right after the clip is one of the funniest jokes frakkin' ever.

Number Two: Kevin Bacon in Death Sentence


The reason why I'm putting Kevin Bacon so high up is the fact that he's a standard white collar guy who's life turns to shit, and with no "secret past" or "special forces experience," he slowly becomes a cold hearted killer. This is truly one of my favorite "badass" films and I'm surprised it is so underrated. The character progression is epic, the action is tense, and the gore's in your face. The climax skips a small part you feel you deserve, however, Kevin just plays the role perfectly in an epic showdown of badassery.

Number One: Chow Yun Fat in every movie he's in that was directed by John Woo

Goddamn I've been waiting so long to get to this part.


Hard Boiled, The Killer, A Better Tomorrow, are all epic Hong Kong shoot-em-ups where Chow Yun Fat is outstanding, brutal, bloody, and has no remorse. This is what I look for in a movie with guns and badass dudes being badass, is original yet believable shootography (ha! I coined a new term in my own sleep deprived boredom!)

Doesn't mean I'm done though.

Most Anticipated Badass With Guns:


I need to change my pants now. See-ya.