With Get Smart
opening this Friday, I was originally going to make a "Celebs Who Need to 'Get Smart'" list, but after thinking it over, I realized said list would contain 90% (or more) of Hollywood. So, here’s a list of celebs that have already gotten "Smart." Yes, I’m aware of how cheesy the pun is…
1) Natalie Portman
Aside from being the only woman I would ever switch teams for, this girl is fucking brilliant. Not only was she a straight-A student in high school, but she also graduated from Harvard in 2003 with a degree in Psychology. She’s also fluent in Hebrew and knows conversational Japanese, Spanish, French and German. She also served as an ambassador for FINCA
, the Foundation for International Community Assistance. I’m totally swooning right now.
2) James Woods
This TOTALLY shocked my pants off. Mister I’m-A-Total-Badass is a genius, literally. He has an IQ of 180 and is a member of MENSA
. Back in the day, he also managed to get a 1580 on his SATs, scoring a perfect 800 on the verbal section and 779 on math. In addition to playing Lord of the Dead
, he has a permanent role as Lord of the Nerds. All hail!
3) Dolph Lundgren
This Swedish martial arts actor is basically the opposite of Steven Seagal
. He attended Sweden’s Royal Institute of Technology AND has a Master’s in Chemical Engineering from the University of Sydney. He was also awarded the Fullbright Scholarship from MIT, but he decided he’d rather annihilate faces on-screen
4) Sharon Stone
Ok, so she’s totally batshit crazy
now, but at one point this broad was smart as hell. She enrolled at Edinboro University in Pennsylvania at age 15 and graduated with degrees in Creative Writing and Fine Arts. She’s also fluent in Italian and has won several prestigious awards, such as Knight of the Order of the Arts and Letters from the French government. Too bad they don’t give out awards for Crazy Bitch of the Year. She’d win that too.
5) David Duchovny
I had an inclination this guy was smart, but holy shitballs, you guys! He has an undergraduate degree from Princeton, a Master’s in English from Yale and was pursuing a Ph.D. but decided to act instead. He can speak fluent French, Latin and Hebrew. Ooh la la!
6) Ben Stein
Yeah, we all know this already. The dude’s crazy smart. He graduated with honors from Columbia with a degree in Economics (which explains why he’s so rich). He was the top of his class at law school. He was a lawyer, an adjunct professor at three universities and the speech writer for Presidents Nixon and Ford. He writes a crap-load of columns for various media outlets as well as having written 16 books
. And screenplays. And TV commercials
. And he rules. The end.
7) Meryl Streep
I’m totally NOT surprised by this one. This woman could be President of the United States if she wanted to. She studied at Yale, has an Honorary Doctorate from Middlebury College. She, along with Sharon “Looney Tunes” Stone, was an Officer of the Order of the Arts and Letters. She’s been nominated 14 times for an Oscar. She learned how to play the violin in 8 weeks for her role in Music of the Heart
. The woman has her own day in New York City for Christ’s sake! Stop already! (Yes, I sort of think she should be burned at the stake).
8) Jodie Foster
Even though she’s got a lot of drama around her post-girlfriend break-up
, this broad has nothing to be ashamed about except for making The Brave One
. Total shit movie. She was nominated for an Oscar at age 14 for Taxi Driver,
the same year she learned fluent French. She’s also fluent in Italian. She was top of her class at Lycee Francias, some fancy schmancy academy in Los Angeles and graduated magna cum laude at Yale. She also has two, count them: TWO, Honorary Doctorates from Yale and the University of Pennsylvania. Stunned? I am.
So, there you have it, bitches. These folks are proof that not all of Hollywood is missing a brain. As for the other 90+ percent, well…
Spill Staff Writer