If it's crap ... We'll tell you
"The Smurfs 2" review-I admit this, I liked the smurfs movie; even though it was made to promote things like FAO Schwarz, Blu-Ray, M&M's, Blue-Man Group, Downtown New York to make the smurfs go "oo" or "ah", forcing the useless human story down my throats, and Neil Patrick Harris is the weakest actor in the movie. The reason I didn't hate it was that the movie did give us a cool looking smurfs and smurf village, Clumsy's underdog story was pretty interesting to see, and Hank Anzaria is an excellent Gargamel as he had no shame with him being in a kid's movie and he genuinely had fun with this role. I even gave this movie a 5/10-or-low rental. When they announced that they were planning to make two more movies making it a trilogy. I had mixed feelings towards this. But then the trailer is released, and I was basically uninterested because it offered nothing new but fart jokes, Vanity Smurf being the gay stereotype unneeded mayhem by two new smurf-like characters named "The Naughties" looked like the most annoying things that the movie shoved constantly through the trailer. I vowed to not to see this movie in theaters like the way I saw the first movie (I movie hopped) and wait for it to appear on a website so I can watch it for free. Two days later after the movie premiered, the movie appeared on the internet and I watched out of the vow and out of curiosity on how bad this movie is. As I watched, I instantly lost all respect for the first movie, Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry, Christina Ricci, and kid's films.
The Smurfs 2 In this sequel to Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures Animation's hybrid live action/animated family blockbuster comedy The Smurfs, the evil wizard Gargamel creates a couple of mischievous Smurf-like creatures called the Naughties that he hopes will let him harness the all-powerful, magical Smurf-essence. But when he discovers that only a real Smurf can give him what he wants, and only a secret spell that Smurfette knows can turn the Naughties into real Smurfs, Gargamel kidnaps Smurfette and brings her to Paris, where he has been winning the adoration of millions as the world¹s greatest sorcerer. It's up to Papa, Clumsy, Grouchy, and Vanity to return to our time, reunite with their human friends Patrick and Grace Winslow, and rescue her! Will Smurfette, who has always felt different from the other Smurfs, find a new connection with the Naughties Vexy and Hackus - or will the Smurfs convince her that their love for her is True Blue?
The Story seems to offer nothing completely new as it is this story is basically a beat-to-beat rehash of the same story. I'll show you exactly how this movie is a rehash of the last movie...
-Clumsy feels out of place as the other smurfs treat him like sh*t and he is the central smurf of the film. Smurfette feels out of place as the other smurfs treat her like sh*t and she is the central character of the film
-Neil Patrick Harris's character in the first movie had a problem in accepting that he was going to be a father and hates the idea of being a parent. In this movie, his problem is that he hates his step-father and he has a tough time accepting him as a father figure.
-Neil Patrick Harris's character gets easily beat by the smurfs. Brendan Gleeson's character get easily beat by the smurfs
-The final act in the first movie, NPH's character walking with the smurfs down the street to confront Gargamel in slow-motion. NPH's character walks with the smurfs down the street to confront Gargamel in slow-motion
-The swan flying sequence
This is what really pissed me off as these things was basically a "f*ck you" to my time and not only that it seem to in a way disrespect the fans to the franchise when they do this act of defiance. This movie could've taken some stories from the cartoons or the comics or made their own, but no this movie got lazy like a pregnant bitch by using the same storylines and not trying to be completely original.
Say want about the voice acting of the smurfs and Gargamel, but, they're the best actors in this movie as the three main humans are basically reading off script (Jayme Mays), trying too hard to be a stand out actor and they instantly become annoying (Brendan Gleeson), and that one actor who you can read off the mood that they do not and I repeat DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THIS F*CKING MOVIE!! And that my friend is Neil Patrick Harris as once you first him you can instantly read for the lack of anything in his dialogue when he performs, his out most attitude is "When is this going to be over?" and to not help that bad acting his character to a huge dick towards his stepdad as he is embarrassing yes but I do give the father character credit for trying to be a good dad towards him, but Harris's character is too much being a dick to him and putting the blame on him every time something happen and even down to him blaming that he is the reason why I didn't want to be a dad and his character's sh*tty childhood.
The gags of the movie are steamed towards mostly by the same gags from the first movie. Such ass burp jokes, pop culture references, Clumsy f*cking up things. There is a point in this movie that where Gleeson's character is turned into a duck by Gargamel. And yes the least liked smurf, Vanity, makes a quick little cheesy joke towards the transformation by saying "Victor, are you alright because you look fowl? Oh yes I did" and that was funny as it was the movie acknowledging that how cheesy that joke was. But the movie tries to make another cheesy duck joke by having a moment when Victor saved his "duck brethren" from being killed, and when they walk out of the duck restaurant NPH says "What are you Martin Luther Wing?" I paused the movie to think the time I could've used wisely in applying for jobs or reading a book or booking a vacation for my book.
The movie tries to shove the film's moral down your throat equally as much when they forced the human subplot down your throat. The moral is having faith in your family, and that's cool for this movie does that. But it fail in that department as it constantly have Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Vexy, and Gargamel constantly mention the word family every five seconds. To the point where Grouchy or Vanity ask Papa why we need to save Smurfette when she choose to stay with Smurfette. He tells them for the sixteenth time "Because she is my daughter, she is my family" and he looks at the screen for five seconds. And again I paused the movie to think the time I could've used wisely in applying for jobs or reading a book or booking a vacation for my book, or think hard to myself on what I did to deserve this!!
The movie has two redeemable factors which is Hank Anzaria having fun with Gargamel and his rivalry with his pet car Azrael. And the anti-heroes Hackus and Vexy actually isn't annoying as I thought they was from the trailers and actually make the film when they are on fun and somewhat adventurous to it.
But overall these two aspects do not save the film for not feeling my wrath!! The rating I'm giving this movie is a F*CK YOU. This is a f*ck you for the fans who felt ripped off by this movie because it is a quick cash grab and I that I'm giving it this rating after I liked the last movie. But this is every sense of the word Cash-Grab
Rating(S): 1/10-OR-F*CK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you expect more? I am not going to see this garbage, the first one tortured me enough
I somehow ended up liking it not hating it
The first one? i absolutely hated it. I am not asking for these movies to make a lot of sense, it is based on small blue guys with 1 single girl living in the woods and some how one is irish. What I do demand is that it is at least entertaining in some way. Even the kids didn't like the movie when the smurfs were not around and that was just from the visual appeal of the smurfs that they have seen the cartoon versions of.
The second one though......man I feel like watching that is like cutting a piece of my soul of. That is if we have souls
They need to do an adaption of the racist purple zombie Smurfs story. Might as well make the whole family feel uncomfortable if they're seeing computer generated indigo bastards running about in live action cash grabs.